Individuals who suffer abuse sometimes escape, heal, and move on to live productive lives, but there is a part of them that can never forget and sometimes that causes problems. Growing up in a legalistic, spiritually abusive denomination also creates memories hard to forget and makes it difficult to trust ANY church group or leadership. Just as an abused child never really trusts ANY parent again without extensive therapy and perhaps just never, an abused Christian doesn’t trust ANY church and unfortunately therapy for this is not as widely understood, sought, or offered.
Some may not even trust God, believing he is either like the abusive doctrine taught or that He should have saved them from going through that. Many abused children do not trust God for the same reasons.
Good parents who try to help an abused child do the best they can, realizing they may not be successful and have little hope that the relationship will ever be totally without problems but also hope the child will grow to be a happy, productive adult. Many times these good parents pay the price for the bad parents they replace. The child targets the anger toward the parent that is available, proving if possible that they will also reject them or at the least become angry and not understand.
As the ultimate good parent, God must weep over these abused children and spiritually abused Christians, desiring for them to just trust Him to show them a path to peace and hope.
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I have tried going to church after being in a UPC church for 12 years. The second I hear the slightest legalistic teaching, I’m out of there. It’s really hard not to look for red flags, to simply look for red flags. If that makes any sense. I look back to before we ever stepped foot in a unitarian doctorine, when I was practicing a trinitarian doctorine and remember how excited I was for being an “ambassador of Christ.” I remember the joy and excitement, and the leader in my life at the time – like NO OTHER Christian I have every encountered even to this day. I think about him a lot, he practically kept my family from being homeless. He was a pillar in our small community. Even in unstable familial circumstances I had joy in my heart, because he showed us God’s love through his kindness and generosity. And here I am at 30, not even wanting to step foot in a church again, but at the same time conflicted because I don’t.