One of the many unspoken rules of the UPC church is that if you leave the church you leave your friends behind. That has been harder to deal with than I thought it would be.
The friends I had in the church weren’t just my friends because we went to the same church. I liked them because I enjoyed being with them (most of them). They were people that were fun, and interesting, all sorts of personalities etc. I probably would have liked them regardless of where I met them…
Once you leave nothing else matters. How well you got along, commonalities you shared, bonds that were made were all of no consequence. You no longer attend church here thus you are no longer friends.
Were the friendships we shared so fragile, that insignificant that since I left they just dissipate? I left and now I don’t exist?
Now I wish we had met at the YMCA….
Amazing to me how much they talk about reaching the lost and preach about people matter to God but then turn around and make people feel as though they don’t matter at all.
I don’t ever want to make anyone feel as though they don’t matter.
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So true. After almost 60 years with no real issues at any church we attended as far as us behaving and obeying the crazy rules, we still became invisible and non entities upon leaving. I am convinced we were in a cult.
Yes, this is what happens. In the church I attended, people were told to stay away from us after we left. They are afraid you might influence others to leave. Most of the members in that church were related and I am convinced that is the only reason anyone stays.
I too have experienced this sad situation. Some feel that when a person “leaves” a church, they are leaving God. But God is everywhere, a Psalmist wrote the Most High “dwells in temples not made with hands.” Secondly, even if a person decides they are leaving God, abandoning them is the opposite of what Jesus taught! He said to “leave the 99, and go after the 1 which is lost.” That said, I think many people abandon friends only because they don’t know what to do. But in today’s world, things like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc there are too many ways to collaborate to not keep in touch. If church is the only place you socialize with your friends, then when you “leave” a church, don’t be surprised that you lose contact. Not trying to sound harsh, just trying to be helpful. When people leave churches I try to keep in touch with them, if nothing else to make sure they’re doing all right. If they’re not doing all right, all the more reason for me to stay in contact and encourage them until I know they’re ok.
The same with me. But God has brought true friends into my life.