Multiple bloggers sharing, educating and supporting those who have been in unhealthy churches.

Author: Through Grace

I was raised in a somewhat unhealthy church group within the Nondenominational Christian Church. After graduating high school, I began attending a United Pentecostal Church (UPC). I've been a member of four UPC churches and visited many others. Of the four of which I was a member, I was "encouraged" not to leave the first and then later sent to the second; attended the second where an usher repeatedly attempted to touch me and the pastor told me I should not care about the standards of the organization and was wrong to do so; ran to a third at that point, which threw me out after a couple years; and walked out of a fourth. For these transfers and because I refused to gossip about my former churches, some called me a "wandering star, a cloud without water" (Jude 1:12). I love the fact that when the blind man was healed, questioned by the Pharisees and temple rulers, and expelled from the temple, Jesus went and sought him out. He very rarely did this once someone was healed, but for this man, he did. I believe God has a special place in his heart for those who are abused, wrongfully accused, or condemned by religious leadership. I believe He loves those who are wronged by churchianity--yes, churchianity, not Christianity, because those who do these wrongs follow a church, not Christ. 1 John 4:7-8 7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. 9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. 10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.

Love, Honor, and Obey

Traditional marriage vows in some circles. The woman promises to love, honor, and obey. In my former church, the “obey” was emphasized to the point of embarrassment in the ceremony. Supposedly the pastor was “just teasing” but it was not the time or…

Dear pastor: Mothers’ Day

I cringe every year in May. Mother’s Day is coming. After years of hearing sermons about motherhood being the highest purpose or calling of a woman, of guilt trips because I’d never had a child, of thinking I was weird for not wanting…

Male strength and leadership

I’ve often been told that men have God-given, biblically mandated authority because of their greater strength. Women, we were told, are the weaker vessels. In nearly the same breath, I and other women were told to submit to this authority, this leadership, this…

Dear Pastor, Part Two

Dear pastor: I heard you say that your primary responsibility is to your members, rather than to all who attend or to people in general. I don’t understand. Where did Jesus or any of the apostles or authors of the New Testament ever…

Dear Pastor Part One

Why do you consider yourself a shepherd? John 10 says: 7 so he explained it to them: “I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep. 8 All who came before me were thieves and robbers. But the true sheep…

A conversation with a pastor

I emailed the pastor of the church I’ve been attending: I know Refuge is complimentarian, but what to what degree? On a continuum, there might be “men and women are fairly equal, but women don’t preach” on one side, and on the other…

Why I still want to go to church

Yeah, church is a mess. There are things that I simply can’t deal with and things that turn my stomach about church. I don’t think American concepts of church are biblical, and I think in many cases they go against what was established…