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Spies

Spies. On our support group board, we have sometimes heard from members who were concerned there may be someone from their church or former church there (like the pastor or someone appointed by him) who will spy on them and report what they post. The chances of that happening are often slim, however the fear is quite real for some.

Considering what happens in unhealthy churches, this fear is understandable. How many appoint themselves as ‘police’ in these places, running to the pastor or his wife/family with any hint of perceived wrong-doing? (Though rarer, sometimes the pastor himself appoints people to do this.)

My own former pastor would at times take the word of a ‘reporter’ and take action against the ‘transgressor’ without ever speaking to them first or looking into the veracity of the matter. The reports even sometimes became sermon material for him. I saw people lose positions, be sternly reprimanded, threatened with losing their salvation, and even asked to leave as the result of these ‘spies.’

Any church leadership that needs or encourages tattling is unhealthy. It is a form of control. It is a sign of an insecure and controlling pastor. A healthy pastor would stop the talebearer and let them know that they were to no longer make any ‘reports.’

If you are afraid of your pastor or if ‘spying’ goes on in your church, then chances are likely that you are in an unhealthy group. It would be good to educate yourself on signs of spiritual abuse.


Prosperity Churches Vs. Poverty Churches

I don’t have experience with these two church types outside of Pentecostalism, so I don’t know how it is in other denominations, but I’ve noticed that in the United Pentecostal Church and in Apostolic churches there seems to be several that have a definite bias towards either ‘prosperity salvation’ or ‘poverty salvation.’ I don’t know if I’m using those terms correctly, that’s just what I called it in my head when I first started noticing it. I’m sure I heard it somewhere.

So from my experience, Prosperity Churches tend to insert implications (or come right out and say) that if you were in the will of God, doing what you were supposed to, (which means following all their rules) etc., that God would bless you financially. It was said or implied that if you were having difficulties financially, you were doing something wrong. Sin, lack of faith, lack of works, SOMETHING was wrong with your Christian performance and walk with God or else your needs would be met.

The Poverty Churches liked focusing on Jesus’ statement that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. This passage was elevated the same way Acts 2:38 was. Any possession that wasn’t the bare minimum requirement for living was considered an “idol” and the person who owned it would be ‘preached at’ regularly and it would be implied over the pulpit that unless the item was sold, the bare necessity purchased, and the rest given to the poor (which usually translated to ‘donated to the church’) that the owner was lost and hell bound. They were the camel trying to fit through the eye of a needle.

In the Poverty Churches, people developed serious dysfunctions in regards to owning things. Something like a nice car bought for a good price could be labeled as an idol and the person who owned it would be made to feel like a heathen in the midst of saints. A nice dress (even if it was a hand me down) usually was viewed as evidence of a Jezebel spirit, because clothing that was nicer than necessary for decency and comfort couldn’t have any other purpose than self-glorification.

Members of a Poverty Church would be told constantly that if they put ANYTHING before their relationship with God, that either God would take it away by any means necessary, or they would be lost if they should happen to die before repenting and getting rid of whatever unnecessary person, place, or thing they were allowing to come between them and God.

I’ve seen pastors of Poverty Churches that used this slant on the doctrine in order to squeeze every last penny out of their congregation so that they could live like kings – in complete contradiction to the things they taught. I’ve also seen pastors of Poverty Churches that really believed their slant on the doctrine, and lived it. These that truly believed it were (in my experience) usually the ones most likely to call people out by name from the pulpit or give so many details about who they were preaching against at the moment that no names were necessary. They were the most hurtful with their words when explaining to someone why that person’s particular idol was going to send them straight to the lake of fire. I’ve also seen the children of these preachers leave home and become extremely materialistic due to being deprived of so many commonplace things growing up.

The Poverty Church doctrine sometimes affects marriages too. A married person might feel that if they love their spouse too much they’re putting them before God. This fear often takes one (or both) of these forms: fear that God will take their spouse away through death, or that they’ll go to hell if they don’t distance themselves from their spouse (while staying married of course). I’ve also seen mothers apply that line of thinking to their relationship with their children and proceed to intentionally distance themselves emotionally from their children. Especially small children.

I’m of the opinion that neither of these biases are correct. Yes, people can make possessions, hobbies, or relationships more important than God and that’s usually not good. But considering everything you enjoy an ‘idol’ deprives you of so many of the joys in life that were created by God (such as the husband/wife relationship, or the mother/child relationship). It also replaces that joy with fear and anxiety over the possibility that because you enjoy something, you’re not saved.

As far as the Prosperity Churches, anyone who has financial trouble immediately feels that they’re no longer pleasing God. They may also believe that they’ve lost their salvation, and will not believe that they’re saved again until their trouble is alleviated. Job comes to mind as a direct refute to this way of thinking. He lost all his assets and his family specifically because he was SO pleasing to God, that God bragged on him. There are other instances in the Bible that (IMO) easily refute both the Prosperity and the Poverty slant on salvation, but the example of Job is so clear to me that it seems unnecessary to reference more.

As you can probably tell by the fact that I had much more detail to give on the Poverty Churches, I was mostly raised in Poverty Churches growing up. Even with such clear examples in the Bible, this way of thinking was so ingrained in me that it was hard for me to get past. When I still believed what I had been told about missing my last chance for repentance, I became very materialistic. When I tried to become a believer again, I found myself going back to that sacrificial Poverty Salvation mindset. I’ve lived with an almost primal fear that having something nice, enjoying an activity, or loving someone would send me to hell.

Breaking The Chains

We have always allowed members of our support groups to vent to a certain degree. Some need to in part because they’ve never previously had the freedom to do so. Yet there also comes a time when you need to forgive and move forward and let go of the bitterness and anger.

Allowing bitterness to remain will only hurt the individual that holds onto it and it will negatively affect other areas of their life. It does no good to remain bitter for years and to cling to past offenses. It does absolutely nothing to the person or persons who hurt you. So, in effect, one is allowing themselves to continue to be influenced and harmed by another when they remain bitter. Don’t do that to yourself.

We all have a choice in our recovery from spiritual abuse. We can choose to remain stagnant and allow the past to continue to influence us negatively the rest of our lives. Or we can choose to deal with what happened, free ourselves from any bitterness, and move forward in life.

We also need to learn to separate the error we’ve been taught from the truth of what is found in the Bible. For instance, the Bible never teaches that one cannot take medicine. No one has to choose between God and taking medicine because God never said it could not be taken. A person said it; a person who distorted the Bible. It was not God.

It is imperative for people who have been hurt in churches that twisted scriptures and left them with a distorted image of God, to learn the difference between truth and error. Just because a minister states something, it doesn’t make it true. Just because an entire organization teaches something, it doesn’t make it true. We must separate the error from the truth and see the error for what it is and not continue to associate it with God and the Bible and blame God for it.

We each have a choice – we can remain in the past and our hurts and go on for the rest of our lives reliving the times when others have hurt us and the teachings that messed us up and hindered us in our walk with God. We can continue to believe the error and live a life of bondage and feeling we can never measure up. Or we can do something about our healing, growth, and moving out of that place. There is life after spiritual abuse!

Do you want healing? Do you want freedom from bitterness? Do you want to separate error from truth?

Or do you want to continue to allow past wrongs and error to influence your life today in a negative manner?

The choice is left to each of us.

bananafanabobana

I never could get that little ditty right no matter how hard I tried, it just never made sense so I couldn’t get it to stick in my mind. Kinda like the legalistic, unhealthy church doctrine. So much of it was mumbo jumbo and wasn’t even consistent from church to church, but was still proclaimed the Word of God and heaven or hell importance in each particular group/building.

This can be tremendously confusing. I wonder how God keeps it straight? No wedding rings in this church, no hair barrettes in this one, no bracelets or necklaces here but wedding rings and barrettes ok, no mustaches here but no mustaches or beards here (does that include old lady mustaches?)  🙂

No pants on ladies here but over here culottes ok, sleeve lengths are anybody’s guess but you better get it right if you expect to make heaven your home.

Sigh……


Choices

As I began asking questions, searching for groups online that might help, and looking for some answers, it troubled me to see how many times frustrated believers were encouraged to stay bitter toward a bad situation, and how many were directed to give up on God or their faith because of what a person or group of people did wrong. It also disturbed me that people thought I was leaving God because I was leaving a certain location with four walls. God is much bigger than a church building.

I didn’t want to leave. I loved church. Its sad when people feel they need to leave something they have loved. But sometimes we have to leave one thing to reach for something better. Life is full of leavings, after all. We leave our home to begin school. We leave our childhood as we become teens. We leave high school friends and family when we move to college. We leave college life to enter the workforce. We leave parents and siblings to get married. We watch our children grow and begin to leave us- going to kindergarten, jr. high, high school, college, and getting married as well. Through all of these leavings though, we can keep our character, and most importantly, we can keep our faith. We can’t keep God. He can’t be kept. But He can keep us.

When we leave the things I named above, we leave in order to grow. I pray, I hope, that its the same with church. There are many good things that I’ve learned as an Apostolic. I treasure those things. But I’ve been brought to a point, for now, that demands a leaving. To stay meant to compromise my beliefs and my conscience, and so would have meant to compromise myself and my God. Like in all other leavings though, I can go with God.

No matter what happens in life, we have choices to make. How to respond, how to react, what to say. We can choose to keep believing; that’s what faith is, after all- the choice to believe. And I choose faith. I didn’t choose to be hurt, but I did choose, for a while, to stay in a bad situation. It was my choice, and not something to be angry or bitter about. Definitely not something to leave God for. It was my choice, and I don’t regret it.

God loves us. Broken, hurt, wounded, even angry or bitter… and He still loves those who have hurt us, too. He asks them to change. Whether they do or not is not in our control. He asks us to forgive– not to stay in a bad situation, but also not to stay angry. Anger has its place. It is a good emotion for awhile, but eventually a person has to grow around anger or let it consume them. I choose growth.

I’m thankful for all those whose experience has been with good churches and good pastors. I hope most people never experience the things that some have. Still, within or without the walls of a Pentecostal (or any other church) we have choices to make. We are not exempted from choices by sitting on a pew. Nor are we freed from those choices by leaving one.

I hope those who have had trouble realize they don’t have to give up on God. I pray they take the time to untangle faith from religion. They are both valuable in their place, but when I was forced to choose one or neither, I chose God. And I’m glad. He’s not the one that hurt me. God is a gentleman- he will not force someone to do right. When we are wronged, that is not God and it is not the devil, it is a human being making poor choices. I can’t change their choices, but I can make choices of my own that will counter the affect of their choices in my life. Its my choice. And I choose God.

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