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There Are No Standard Standards

There are no standard standards. Though often touted as God’s rules or commands, people become perplexed when they go to another church within the same organization and find differences in these teachings. Though my experience with this involves the United Pentecostal Church, it happens in other organizations.

You may have simply visited another church and observed the differences or perhaps you switched churches and are a member at a new church. Maybe you have become involved in an online discussion group and notice vast differences. Same group, different churches….. and different standards? How can standards change from church to church within the same organization, when they are taught as originating with God and the Bible?

Something is taught as wrong in one, yet wrong and a sin at another, but OK in yet another. One teaches only skirts and dresses on women, another specifies how much below the knee they must be, and another allows pants underneath in cold weather. Pants? That abomination is allowed? I thought once an abomination, always an abomination? How can it be an abomination in one church and yet not considered such in the other?

One forbids members to own a television and yet says nothing about members watching YouTube videos on smart phones. Another states all non-religious movies are off limits but some pastors have DVD collections of the latest Hollywood films. One shouts that all jewelry is wrong, even wedding rings, and another allows rings, pins and brooches.

One says a woman shouldn’t cut her hair for any reason but it isn’t a sin and another says you lose protection for your family and are lost if you do. Some teach you can dye your hair and others claim it is a sin. One allows facial hair on men and another forbids it. One says no make-up at all, that you are a Jezebel, and another allows basic foundation and cover-up. One demands sleeve length to reach the wrist, another to the elbow and yet another is fine with it between the elbow and shoulder. And the list goes on….

Aargh! It is enough to make the head spin! How can so many with ‘the truth’ be teaching so many versions of these standards, especially when they state this is what God says. Is God confused? Does He change his mind all the time? Is something a sin in one area, but ten miles away it isn’t?

These are some of the questions people face when they encounter all the differences. It is no wonder that questioning the teachings often starts with standards. They are anything but standard in their churches. If they cannot agree among themselves and get these right, what else could they be teaching that is faulty?

She’s Got The Look (Of Salvation)

Several days ago, a United Pentecostal Church pastor posted this picture on Facebook for a large number of people to see. I was startled by the adolescent logic and erroneous message of this image.

According to the meme, the woman on the left, by the way she dresses, is Christian. The lady on the right, by the way she dresses, isn’t one.

I can’t help but wonder why some in Christianity have forgotten Jesus, and replaced all the virtues of a Christian with a blind emphasis on such things as standards, women’s uncut hair, and pastoral obedience. Teachings like these have resulted in the UPCI Articles of Faith as the organization’s “new” New Testament.

No doubt, some leaders have truly made the movement a form of “Christianity Without the Cross”.

“This is wrong.”

“That is wrong.”

“Do this.”

“Do that.”

“The church down the street is charismatic and teaches a false doctrine.”

“The church across town is full of lies.”

Does relationship even matter? Only if all of the pastoral rules are followed.

Hey – they do preach Jesus! I found Jesus in a UPCI church. At Christmas and Easter, the Gospel is usually pulled off the back shelf, dusted off, and is the gimmick of those seasonal services. The goal is still about indoctrination, first and foremost.

So, by looking at these two ladies, can you tell who the Christian is? Obviously, this one pastor believes he can…

Personally, I can’t see their hearts. I have absolutely no idea which one is the Christian. The lady on the left could be a taco thief, or even an axe murderer. The lady on the right may be a sweet person who is passionate believer who spends her Saturdays feeding the homeless.

It’s my belief that we aren’t really good at judging the hearts of people…or, a book by its cover. So, why spend so much time doing that exact thing? Dietrich Bonhoeffer once raised a great point in his book, The Cost of Discipleship: “Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.”

Instead of judging people “saint” or “sinner” by only their looks, we should just extend a loving and warm welcome to all, and then allow the Holy Spirit and their relationship with God to dictate what they need.

Personally, that is how I strive to go about it. I have NO desire to play “God” in the life of anyone.

Someone once said, “When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself.”

Regarding the pastor who posted this, his own post defines him. In his eyes, if you’re female, you have to dress like the lady on the left to be considered a Christian.

Extreme Christianity is dangerous. It’s taking a good thing, and turning it into a cult. In extreme Christianity, the focus isn’t about faith, hope, and love – it’s anywhere but there!

I wonder if it was issues like this that caused Mahatma Gandhi to say, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

When Christians go to the extreme, they aren’t focused on Christ anymore. They have Him and His Gospel shut up in the back closet, collecting dust. They are so unlike Christ.

How sad.

Look at Christ’s own words, written in Matthew 7: 1-2:

“Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For by the standard you judge you will be judged, and the measure you use will be the measure you receive.”

Are those not humbling words?

I hope and pray to encourage the UPCI minister who places so much emphasis in issues of dress and standards.

Friend, have some faith in God! We don’t need to tell people how to live. That’s His job. Let’s make our focus building relationships between individuals and God. We need Jesus for that! Not dress codes, vain rules, or a hungry desire to make others obedient unto a leader. Let’s show everyone the type of love seen in John 3:16, the type of love Paul wrote about in 1 Corinthians 13.

It’s the love that changes us and makes us more like Him! You can do it! Refocus your heart and mind on Jesus!

As for everyone else, just remember, if salvation was built upon our images, then we would all be in trouble, because we all have flaws. The spirit of the world wants us to become so engrossed with looking right…That we forgot that the most important thing is where your heart is.

Rejoice in the Lord, always. I will say it again, rejoice!!!!! (Philippians 4:4)

Key verse to remember: 1st Samuel 16:7 – “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t be impressed by his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. God does not view things the way men do. People look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Punishment v. Discipline

Someone this weekend discussed the scripture Hebrews 12:6 “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.”

There is a difference between discipline and punishment. God wants to discipline us, not punish us, and certainly not abuse us. Discipline teaches a lesson, while punishment demands condemnation for an action or misdeed. Discipline is positive. Punishment is negative. Abuse is an extreme form of punishment, where the punishment exceeds the crime, is unrelated to (or unassociated with) the crime, or where a person is punished without reason or unreasonably (i.e. because the abuser is angry and needs someone to “take it out on”)- abuse is misuse of punishment.

If something bad happens and we start running through our memories to see if we’ve done wrong, that’s not of God. When He disciplines us, He’ll also make sure we know exactly what we have done, and how to do better next time. There won’t be any vague “You’ve been bad. You are very bad,” condemnatory statements. That’s condemnation. Discipline, however, comes with love.

Romans 8:1 [There is] therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

If we are condemned, we fear. God doesn’t want us to be afraid of Him! He’s our Father. He loves us. “The fear of the Lord” in the Bible refers to a healthy respect for God. It means to honor Him- not be terrified of Him.

God wants us to learn from mistakes. He disciplines, because discipline leaves hope, faith, and trust intact, and teaches a specific lesson. He disciplines in love. He isn’t waiting to strike us down for being human- for making a mistake or even for a deliberate “sin.” He loves us.

Judgmental

I recently did a search to see Susan Boyle perform her first time on Britains Got Talent. When Susan Boyle walked out onto the stage everyone from the judges to the audience was skeptical. She was frumpy, a bit silly, and said she wanted to be like a particular female singer (can’t remember the name) and everyone snickered. Then the music cued and she opened her mouth and eyes opened wide and mouths dropped to the floor. She sang I Dreamed a Dream – it was her dream to be a professional singer.

It reminds one of other stories like Beauty and the Beast or more likely The Ugly Duckling. Perhaps Susan has not transformed into the usual beautiful princess in the world’s view, but her voice is absolutely beautiful. She has done six albums and bought a 300,000 pound house (not sure how that translates to US dollars).

I said all that to say that being in an Apostolic church where everyone is judged by how we dressed and what church we attended it makes one pause. I once looked out the window at work and saw a boy with blue hair. I forget exactly what I said but a coworker/supervisor walked by and said, “Now, now.” It caught me off guard as I thought anyone else would agree with me. I was probably thinking “Blue haired people go to Hell.”

What is that saying “don’t judge a book by its cover?” I know I have seen many things since my exodus from that church that I would have been judging by its cover. But what is inside? Underneath? Did we ever see the beauty and kindness of a person because they did not look like us?

When someone would get the Holy Ghost we then began measuring the women by how long their hair was getting and their pants changed to dresses/skirts. The men only had to shave off mustaches and beards if they had them and cover up tattoos with long sleeves. We had to have them conform to our standards in order to not judge them.

Below is that first video of frumpy Susan showing everyone that you just can’t judge by what you first see.

It’s OK To Miss The Good

Memories. Previously I touched on the subject of good things happening at unhealthy/abusive churches and that being able to see and admit such is an evidence of the healing process. There is another aspect, that it is OK to miss the good that happened.

When one has been involved for awhile in any activity, when they leave they sometimes have periodic times of missing it, even longing for aspects of it again. It is natural. If you spent years coaching a football team or playing cards with a group of people, you would have periods where you missed the good times, the fellowship together, the camaraderie. I think to never feel these would be abnormal.

Why should you feel it would be different after leaving a church where you spent many months or years bonding with the people and involved in the activities? Yes, even when you later found the church was unhealthy, abusive and/or taught false doctrine. Those things do not change the good times you had or any closeness with people. It is OK to miss the good things from your former unhealthy church.

I want to share some well spoken thoughts on this, that a member of our support group once wrote. I feel it wraps up the subject very well and gives an important word of caution at the end. It is quoted with permission.

I think this is something important for anyone to realize after leaving an unhealthy church. After having been a part of something for a long time, it can be hard to reconcile mixed feelings when there were good times too. I’ve missed a great deal of things since leaving, and even felt a little nostalgic at times. Never enough to warrant going back to it, but I’ve certainly dealt with periods of sadness. I’ve cried over friendships I left behind and wished I could re-live some of the positive experiences without returning to all the negative. I think it’s good for everyone to realize some of those feelings are “normal”… so long as it’s kept in perspective and doesn’t drag us back into another unhealthy situation.