Category: United Pentecostal Church | Page 28

One Woman Remembers Steven Dahl’s UPCI Connection

One would think that with all the cases that have come to light in recent years, where ministers have been caught failing to report instances of sexual abuse, that it wouldn’t be happening much today. Yet we still have ministers who think that such criminal activity should be handled behind church doors. While this series revolves around the United Pentecostal Church, I wanted to share that there is a Oneness Pentecostal church not affiliated with them that is presently in the news for two different cases of sexual abuse, with the pastor having been accused of failing to report both to police. In June 2018, Randy Allen Westmoreland, pastor of The Church of Jesus Christ, 791 Juniper Road in Valparaiso, Indiana, was hit with two misdemeanor charges of failure to report. One involves his son-in-law, Jeffrey Michael McGehee, who is accused of sexual misconduct with a male minor, vicarious sexual gratification, child solicitation and possession of child pornography. (It appears he goes by his middle name.) It was claimed that McGehee’s wife and father were aware and that similar incidents by McGehee occurred at a church in Tennessee.

The second case concerns Valerie Clabaugh, a member of Westmoreland’s church, who was charged with sexual misconduct with a minor. She had allegedly first been interested in the boy’s father, who attends a Michigan church, before becoming intimate with his son. It has been reported that not only did Westmoreland fail to report, but that some other church members knew about both situations and even advised Clabaugh not to speak with police. It was also said that a leader at the Michigan church was attempting to persuade the boy’s mother not to go to police. In doing a quick online search, there appears to be a network of Oneness Pentecostal churches called The Church of Jesus Christ, with ones readily found in Indiana, Michigan, Florida, and Tennessee. It is unknown if these cases will lead to any criminal charges in Michigan or Tennessee for failure to report.

Considering the seriousness of criminal sexual acts involving minors, I believe it should be more than a misdemeanor for a minister to fail to report and there should be no statute of limitations for it. If the person suffers additional abuse or if there are others who are harmed after they are aware of such, they should be charged with being partially responsible. Had they done what was right, the person may not have been able to continue assaulting people.

This brings me back to situations involving United Pentecostal Churches in Wisconsin. This article covers information about Steven Dahl, who allegedly molested two children in the 1980s, as well as allegations of failure to report instances of child sexual abuse by pastor John W. Grant, of Calvary Gospel United Pentecostal Church in Madison, Wisconsin. Please see prior blogs for additional details. (Some statements in this article are what have been alleged by a survivor. There have been no convictions as the case mentioned here was not reported to the police and to my knowledge, the alleged perpetrator has not admitted guilt.)

This is part 13 of an ongoing series.

To very briefly summarize: On December 15, 2017, Debbie McNulty started her blog and shared that in the early 1980’s, Steven J. Dahl had repeatedly sexually molested her when she was 11-12 years old. She reported this to her pastor, John W. Grant. It was never reported to police. Soon afterward, Dahl was caught in bed with his wife’s minor sister and then quickly moved (possibly out of state to Nevada). His wife eventually filed for divorce in March 1985 and when her sister Alice turned 18, he married her in April 1986 in Nevada. At some point afterward, he returned to Wisconsin, still involving himself in, and being welcomed with open arms by, United Pentecostal Churches. On April 11, 1995, Dahl started the Pentecostal Lighthouse Church [go here when the prior link doesn’t work] in Oconto.

In my previous article, I shared that Christian Life Center, located at 670 North Green Bay Road in Neenah, Wisconsin, while under the long-term pastorate of ordained minister John J. Bridges, supported Steven Dahl as the pastor of their daughter work in Oconto. (Christian Life Center years back was called Twin Cities United Pentecostal Church and is presently CrossPoint Church, with Philip Bridges being the pastor since 2011.)

Though there was undeniable evidence that the Pentecostal Lighthouse Church was considered a daughter work of the Neenah church in the 2000’s, it was unknown by me at that time how far back this affiliation went. Below you will find what one woman, who wishes to remain anonymous, remembers of her time in the Wisconsin District of the UPCI. From what she shares and what we previously reported, the affiliation between the Pentecostal Lighthouse Church and Christian Life Center went back to April 1995. There never should have been any affiliation as Dahl’s alleged sexual behavior disqualified him. How this ever was allowed to happen and continue is beyond belief. And UPCI ministers still speak at Dahl’s church in 2018.

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I verify that the following statements are true to the best of my knowledge and memory. My goal in sharing them is to inform others of what I feel is important for them to know, as it was important to me. If I had the choice to have been informed of similar testimony at an earlier time, I would have appreciated it. I feel I need to speak out as I feel strongly that the survivors have a right and a responsibility to tell their stories, to prevent future occurrence, as well as to inform people of the truth behind those who they may not be aware committed these acts. I state clearly though, this is my own story, and my own opinions.

Around August of 1995, I had recently turned 18 and had gotten married. I had a son at the age of 15, and was still with his father. Prior to that, at a younger age, I had heard of the Holy Ghost in bits and pieces from evangelic based believers, and then through a few church services I attended with a friend, whose older sister attended a small United Pentecostal International church in Monroe, WI. The main and only thing I really knew was that speaking in tongues was a sign of the Holy Ghost and not much else. I stopped going to that church after a youth group meeting one evening because they played a kind of trivia game where you had to know a lot of bible verses, and I did not. I was embarrassed and didn’t want to go after that. When I think back, I completely see now how I was in fact targeted for not being raised in the church, but that’s a different story. However, I would say I do not feel that I was abused in any way there, nor did I see anyone abused. It was no different than ways I had been targeted by teachers in the public school I attended.

Anyway, back to 1995. One day a neighbor knocked on my door and asked if I knew of the Holy Ghost and I said yes. Eventually that lead to starting a Bible study with that same neighbor, his wife, and my husband. Then we went to a different UPCI church in Madison, WI named Calvary Gospel Church, which at that time was run by Pastor John Grant Sr. who was also the District Superintendent of all UPCI churches in WI. I received the Holy Ghost there, and I began to change my life into more of a “Christian” lifestyle. I was considered a new convert, my husband occasionally attended, my son who was still very young attended one Thursday evening service as well, and two Sunday services every week. I also continued attending Bible studies at my home or other homes. The UPCI churches in WI also have many other meetings of various sorts. For instance, youth service, family camps, music ministry, church picnics, etc. One thing they did at that time was have a prayer conference in Milwaukee, WI that was up to three days long, and one night I decided to attend with the same neighbors who introduced me to the church.

Now by that time I had learned quite a bit from them and others. I had a pretty good knowledge of what the church counted as holiness standards. This included such things as woman dressing “modestly” by wearing skirts below the knees, nothing too form fitting, sleeves no shorter than a few inches above the elbow, not cutting your hair, no low-cut tops where you could see cleavage, etc. I did have a good time at the prayer conference, but one thing that stood out to me very obviously was that the humongous choir that sang had several women who had makeup and low-cut tops, and other slight differences in appearance compared to what I was told was allowed on stage in the UPCI. So, on the trip home I asked my trusted neighbors this. It was a common occurrence for me to ask them questions riding to and from church and they always answered me.

Please understand that this conversation took place long ago, and I do not recall all the details. What I do recall is them answering me that the choir that sang was from a church that wasn’t still in the UPCI and that their holiness standards were a bit different. What I do recall that they never bothered to say, was that one of the main leaders (Brother Dahl) at that time involved heavily in leadership in that church, had previously attended the Madison church and was a leader in a lot of the involvement with youth. Now, I do not know if they knew what he had done that got him removed, but I do feel that they should have made that clear to me right away if they even had suspicion of him, and that they knew to do so which I will explain a bit later.

Now I am going to skip ahead a bit. I stayed involved and as an active member of that same church for four to five years. When I decided to leave it was for several reasons but the main one being, I was very active in the choir, and I started to feel very hypocritical because at home my marriage was falling apart. I know that the church is against divorce, so I knew I wouldn’t be accepted the same way by my church family there if I decided to leave my husband. I separated from my husband and just stopped going to church. I still carried a sincere love for the people there and counted Pastor Grant as the most honest Christian man I knew. I felt heavy guilt all on my own about leaving the church, but for many years I still refused to say it was any sort of cult, and that they did nothing but preach from the oldest English copy of the Bible, and just counted myself “backslidden”. My then ex-husband continued to attend off and on with my then three children, and I fully trusted everyone that I knew there with them. I still felt it was a place where they could be safe.

Moving on, it has been over 15 years since I left that church and rarely went back. I have been a user of social platform finding people I knew, and meeting new people as well for about 10 years now. Some of the people on my contact lists are people who do still attend Calvary Gospel Church in Madison, and some even just attend a UPCI church. The neighbors that I said brought me in, the husband is one of them. I also notice that Steve Dahl is on one of the social platforms and he is a friend of my same neighbor that brought me in, in fact they even talk on the news feed regularly and joke around. So, this is not the relationship of someone that my friend doesn’t know. It is VERY apparent they knew and know him well.

To keep others in confidence, I will only say that I began finding in the last couple of years, serious, personal, criminal, stories beginning to emerge about religious groups, and then later specifically about the UPCI worldwide, and then specifically about Calvary Gospel Church, and then about Steve Dahl. This became more and more personal very quickly. Now, let me be frank here, I am quite aware that nearly every church organization, and even just individual human beings, have flaws. I am not blind to the evils of the world. I am however also very firm about justice being served, protecting my children, and honesty. One thing is for sure, I used to think that the UPCI church organization always would preach that to lie is a sin, that even hiding the truth is a sin. One reason I know this, and trusted Pastor Grant, was because when anything would happen that was simply too non-biblical to ignore, such as adultery, there would be consequences and you would be held accountable for it. During my time there, one licensed minister lost his license and was persuaded to confess to the entire church (adults only) that he had committed adultery. In summary, I trusted his decisions.

So, after learning that the main leader of the church I attended, as well as the church that my children attended, had allegedly mishandled allegations of child molestation (a girl under the age of 13) and not reported the accusation to authorities, or possibly even neglected to inform the entire church or leaders, I was worried, upset, and very angry. From that, I also learned that not just one but many girls in the church, some of whom I even knew or know, had been sexually harassed, and emotionally abused. Even now, there is a strong possibility that these were only a few of the many who experienced these things. I immediately contacted those I did have as contacts whom I knew had or even still attended the UPCI church, telling them specifically of what I had heard about Dahl, with the main intent of informing them. My ex-husband contacted me, and my children also did and they know nothing about it, and have no bad experience which I am thankful for. I am happy for that, but very unhappy that the unknown risk was there in the first place.

As for the rest, not even one of them answered outside of the original source and those who already knew. They answered me many other times on various other things completely unrelated to this. So, the question remains, why wouldn’t they answer if there’s nothing to hide? Not even a simple, “I am sorry, but I don’t know anything about this”. If I say, “Happy Easter” they say it back, when I asked quite recently about a woman who passed away they responded with no issue. If I was still in the church, and I heard this, I would at least respond that I don’t know. I don’t know why the church or its members have decided not to respond. I do know that a few have responded negatively elsewhere and there is evidence of such that I have seen. Though this is not my entire story about my experience with the UPCI, I felt it vital to relay this specific information. I have hopes that it encourages people, specifically the abused, to stand up and tell their story no matter who it implicates. I hope that they know there are people like me who do believe them even if we weren’t there, people who do feel punishment is due to those who committed the acts, and people who are willing to stand with you and tell the truth of what they do know. No, I’m not encouraging playing a victim, I am not encouraging reliving the experiences, but I am encouraging sharing knowledge, lifelong healing, prevention, and standing for justice. Thank you for reading.

You will find a complete list of articles in this series by clicking here.

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Giveaway: C.H. Yadon and the Vanishing Theological Past in Oneness Pentecostalism

We just finished a series of articles where former members of the United Pentecostal Church (and a few others) shared how they were harmed in the UPCI and will be resuming the series about sexual abuse and the UPCI this week. So let’s have a second book giveaway that pertains to UPCI history. We just finished the first this evening.

This is only open to those with a USA mailing address.

This is your chance to receive a new copy of C.H. Yadon and the Vanishing Theological Past in Oneness Pentecostalism by Thomas Fudge. It is the third book in his series on Oneness Pentecostalism and was released last year. It sells new for just under $30 and we paid $31.75 for this copy, including tax. It covers Oneness Pentecostal history, and highlights the United Pentecostal Church, of which Mr. Fudge was once a member. The emphasis is on the life of C.H. Yadon. Yadon turned in his UPC license in 1993 when the affirmation statement started being required of all ministers.

This giveaway is a drawing and not a first come, first served giveaway. To enter, just leave a comment to show you wish to be included. The drawing will close on July 27 at 6pm (eastern time), after which I will draw the winner. You will then need to email me your mailing address if I do not already have it. There is absolutely no cost to enter. Don’t be alarmed if your comment does not immediately show as they require approval when you are commenting for the first time.

We always provide these at no charge to our readers.

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Christianity Without the Cross Giveaway 2018

We just finished a series of articles where former members of the United Pentecostal Church (and a few others) shared how they were harmed in the UPCI and will soon be resuming the series about sexual abuse and the UPCI. Meanwhile, I thought this would be a good time to have one of our book giveaways.

This is only open to those with a USA mailing address. (Unfortunately, it is cost prohibitive to mail books outside of the USA. Canadians with a USA mailing address are welcome to enter.)

We have given away books for years as part of the spiritualabuse.org ministry. This is your chance to receive a used copy of Christianity Without the Cross by Thomas Fudge. It sells new for just under $30 and often used copies go for close to that price. It covers Oneness Pentecostal history, and highlights the United Pentecostal Church, of which Mr. Fudge was once a member. You will discover things that most ministers in the group do not openly share and some do not know. This is a clean copy with no seen markings and has some cover wear and damage.

To read an article by Mr. Fudge about why he wrote the book. go here.

This giveaway is a a drawing and not a first come, first served giveaway. To enter, just leave a comment to show you wish to be included. The drawing will close on July 23 at 6pm (eastern time), after which I will draw the winner. You will then need to email me your mailing address if I do not already have it. There is absolutely no cost to enter. Don’t be alarmed if your comment does not immediately show as comments require approval when you are commenting for the first time.

We always provide these at no charge to our readers.

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Harmed In That Cesspool Of Awfulness Part 5

When one has been exposed to spiritual abuse, great harm can be done. While some escape with minimal or no injury, most do not leave unscathed. Those who are particularly harmed are the men and women who were sexually abused, and making that even worse for them, is when a church/minister covers it up and the perpetrator faces no real consequences. By failing to report these to police, I believe these ministers are partially responsible for those who are later assaulted. The stories of sexual abuse are especially heartbreaking as the survivors are forever changed. You will notice that this installment in the series has a different title and it is taken from a woman’s comment that is seen below. I saved these for last due to the nature of their experiences and because this is a lead-in back to my earlier series on the United Pentecostal Church And Sexual Abuse.

In two groups, I asked people to share how they were harmed during their time in the United Pentecostal Church. I received enough responses to make five blogs. [See also Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.] These are used by permission and are anonymous. Some responses have been edited for spelling and punctuation and emoticons have been removed. Each person is separated between using and not using quotation marks. Note: In the second story, some statements that are included were made in further discussion after the initial statement. These are noted by brackets and placed inside the original statement so that it flows better as compared to adding them all afterward.

Oh how can I even put down every time they hurt me… every time I wasn’t good enough, every time I was shunned. Ministry kicked me many times while I was down, told me to stay away from people. I was kicked out of a UPC Bible college for kissing, lol. I was raped and then threatened by ministry to keep it quiet, because they wouldn’t back me. When I went back to Bible school in the states, as soon as I made the decision to leave, a minister taught a class on how much of an adulteress I was, while one of my friends defended me then [was] kicked to the streets while trying to get the remainder of my belongings. They were afraid of my influence. Then when I left UPC, I had emails telling me how I wasn’t leaving due to theology issues but my heart and how corrupt it was. Other than all of that, the control, the dictatorship and the abuse. The many times I didn’t line up because my hair wasn’t right or my skirt long enough. I have found forgiveness, I have healed a great deal… but these scars will never be able to go away because they are a part of me… they are now who I am. And I have no doubt someone UPC would read this and cast blame on me… perhaps I should have been a better Christian.

Wow. Loaded question. This would take a book.

My parents started going when I was in 3rd grade. My mom was mentally unstable and the UPC gave her a place to hide. I firmly believe that she would never have gotten away with her behaviors if she had lived in “normal” society. So that just set us up for more vulnerability.

I was targeted by an older man, my Sunday school teacher, and was raped by him at 14. He had been sexually assaulting me since the month I turned 12. I was threatened, verbally and psychologically abused by him for years. His friend (who I’m convinced these guys were all there to prey on younger girls), also stuck his hand up my dress/underwear and wouldn’t remove it. When the pastor found out, I was told it would make the church look bad and threatened that I’d get kicked out of the church school. (Which is another point of contention – the lousy education I received.)

Things only got worse. I was kinda forced into marrying my abuser, who was 17 years older than me. I took one for “team UPC.” They got rid of their child molester by marrying him off. Or they thought – because you can’t pray that away.

Needless to say, that marriage was a disaster. He was a “minister,” who couldn’t hold a job, liked porn and young girls, and was a wreck. I finally left, and the church treated me like garbage. I was shunned by everyone. [When I was trying to leave, he drug me up by the baptismal, and yelled at me, asking if I wanted my teeth rearranged, and then punched the wall next to my face. Not a single soul in that church did anything. They all viewed it as “righteous anger” and I was backsliding so I must’ve deserved it.] The pastor told me not to “rock the boat,” among other things, to “encourage” me never to tell, and boom, next thing I knew I was a lesbian, on drugs, had cheated, you name it, they made up rumors about me. [I could go on. Ha. But the control they had over me, the manipulation, the way I was beat down and taken advantage of, is shocking.]

[Sadly, I was not the only one. Our pastor knew of many cases of sexual abuse and only threatened the victims with silence. Never did anything to the perpetrators. It was rampant there. The church’s methods were awful. Truly deeply harmful.

Thankfully I ran. Oh, I’m so happy I left that cesspool of awfulness.

I imagine that my experiences are extreme but it is my experience. My UPC pastor did not report the sexual abuse that I reported to him when I was a child. Not only was it not reported, but many people from the organization still associate with my abuser. I feel that the church I attended did not care about Christ’s general message. When my family was hungry no one helped us. When we didn’t have electricity no one helped us. Your importance within the congregation was directly associated with how much money you gave. I also feel that my self-confidence was damaged because of the way that our church talked and taught about women. I could list many many many more things but we would be here all day.

…I have suffered a lifetime of trauma due to the sermons and teachings around the devil, hell, and the rapture. That is the primary cause of my PTSD.

I feel like my situation was likely more extreme. The Wisconsin UPC in general is pretty messed up but I lucked out with the pastor who was obsessed with unpardonable sins and had the most bitter woman as a wife.

One of my first memories of the UPC is an adult male church member giving me quarters to sit on his lap. This is beyond not normal/appropriate.

I’ve talked about the anxiety, fear, depression I experienced due to the sermons I was exposed to. My best friend in the UPC was raped by her own brother (also UPC) and he also used to be inappropriate with me…not rape but still not remotely OK. There was a heavy layer of sexual inappropriateness in that church….way beyond normal teen hormones. I remember senior guys in the k-12 school we attended teasing me about being flat chested and they’d lift up our skirts and thought it was funny. I was maybe 11 or 12 at the time.

The pastor dealt with all this because we keep things in the church.

We’d have to kneel in front of the pastor’s wife and if our school uniform skirts didn’t hit the ground we were sent home.

The pastor’s son was/is mentally ill and is now in his 70’s. He used to corner us in the church basement and ask us out when we were around 15. He was well into his late 40’s at that point. He continues to harass young girls to this day and the excuse is “It’s just Michael being Michael.”

These are just a few small examples from my childhood.

I feel like we’ve been hit in every area. Our situation isn’t as tragic as many others, but it has certainly messed with us. Spiritually: I feel like we are in limbo. I don’t know what I believe anymore. I know we have deep grooves in our brain that lead us back to what we’d been indoctrinated with, and fighting our way out of those grooves has been hard. Learning to think outside of the UPC box has been challenging, but we are getting there. I am afraid to trust any “spiritual leader” or walk into a church.

Emotionally: There are so many “triggers“… when I think of anything UPC I cringe. When I think of friends who shunned us because we moved from one church to another when we moved an hour away, I feel abandoned. When I think of the pastors who manipulated us in so many ways, I feel disgust and anger. When I think of people who are still in the UPC and not realizing what is going on, I feel sorry for them. When I think about raising our kids in that environment, I feel guilt. When I think about how judgmental we were, I feel shame. When I look in the mirror I am embarrassed and disgusted. When I think about all the money we sacrificed to the UPC, I feel regret. On and on. It sounds like I’m a mess, and honestly, I’ve never been happier or felt more freedom, but when I am trying to deal with what we’ve been through, all these feeling start to swirl. I know they will decrease in time, and in fact, they are becoming less frequent and intense, but it’s still draining.

Physically: Up until we got into the UPC when I was 27, I was physically active and fit. I water skied, para-sailed, fished, camped, played softball, did Jazzercise, played racquetball, swam, hiked, wore a size 8 or 10 and felt OK about myself. After I got in the UPC and started dressing like a bag, not being active, eating more, spending less time outside, I became overweight. There are other reasons that play into that, too, but much of it is because I just quit doing things I loved. My self esteem is at about zero. I’ve recently reconnected with high school friends, who of course I didn’t spend time with while in the church unless they were interesting in converting. So many of them want to get together, but I’m so ashamed of how I look I can’t face them. I just want to crawl in a hole or starve myself until I am presentable. I hate the clothes I wear. I feel like I stand out with these nasty skirts and t shirts. I can’t wait to change my wardrobe…and it’s coming, but I’ve not yet been able to buy new clothes or feel good about any pants I’ve tried on. It’s coming along, though.

Financially: We totally supported the church with our tithes and sacrificial giving. We have never had extra money, and it took so much self discipline to always give 10% plus another 5 and sometimes10% more! We went without many things. That doesn’t bother me, but what does bother me is how it affected the kids. It was hard on them to see their friends with spending money or new clothes, and they had very little. We weren’t poor, but we were tight all the time. And then to see the pastor and his family living in luxury, being given lavish gifts, vacations, cars, boats, new home, etc. really hurts. It hurts because it’s all at the expense of the people who are living without so they can give to the church. We figured it out and the money that we’ve given to the church could have paid off our house, our car and allowed us to have a savings. Instead [my husband] is working two jobs and I’m making bars of soap to sell in order to make ends meet. It’s just wrong. Why were we so gullible!? Why didn’t [we] see what was going on years and years ago? Regret.

Family: Our family has been damaged. My daughter was preyed upon by an older, married man, and was seduced by him, married him after he divorced his wife, and then was abused by him for 15 years. We were told by the pastor that the person who did this to our daughter would be reported to the police, (before they got married and all that came after), but we recently found out it never was. That’s another story, but my point is, this hurt our family. All three of the kids lost their youth. Their education was lacking. They were not active in community. They didn’t have friends outside the church. We didn’t go on vacations because we didn’t have money and wouldn’t miss church. We always put church first and missed many family milestones, get togethers and events. I know our families resented it and all the while we were holding our noses in the air thinking we were super Christians for doing it. Putrid! I can’t think of any area in our life that wasn’t affected or harmed by being a part of the cult. It will take time, but we will recover and continue to live in freedom! I look forward to what is left of our future.

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When The Church(Pastor) Invades Your Home

Recently I was reminded of several events of home invasion that took place during my time in the cult – the independent Oneness Pentecostal church I belonged to for 15 years, that illustrates the overbearing control some pastors and leaders take over the flock, the congregation, the members, and how that control ultimately leads to invading your personal life, your home, and sometimes, your person.

I would be remiss, due to recent comments, not to mention that not all Oneness Pentecostal pastors and churches do all of the things I mention in my blog. However, I believe the Oneness Pentecostal movement as a whole is a cult, and it’s doctrines lead to abuse and deception, and while I will make a disclaimer that not everything I write about is attributed to every church, it is pervasive in the system, and this is evidenced by the hundreds of interviews and contacts I have had from United Pentecostal, independent Oneness, and other Oneness Pentecostal people, not just my personal experiences.

First, let me start by asking the question, “Does the church belong in your home?”

It is no doubt to me, that your home life should be reflective of your Christian faith and convictions. We shouldn’t have a double standard for our ‘public’ life, and our ‘private’ life, but there definitely is a distinction between the two. And, as Christians, if we believe that God dwells in us, by the gift of the Holy Spirit that dwells in our heart, our being, then surely, God is in our home.

But does the church belong there, and when I say church, I mean the rules, dogmas, and wishes/commands of the pastor. For instance, in the Oneness Pentecostal church, women are forbidden from wearing pants, as they consider it unholy. They teach, that anything that splits the leg is men’s apparel. Of course, then they go on to demand women wear pantyhose..which splits the leg – but I digress.

It so happens, that this teaching prevails upon the homes too – for it has been taught, Don’t you think you can go home and wear pajama pants, and pants at home just because no one can see you. Again – this never made sense to me, because if the point of holiness in dress standard is not to cause other people to lust after you and slip up (morally) – and no one is there to see you…what does it matter what you wear? But again, I digress.

Monitoring Your Behavior

Around 2010-2011, in the church I attended at the time, the pastor was coming against the ‘dangers of the internet,’ and no one can doubt there are bad things on the internet if one goes looking for them. The approach was, and he asked me many times how to do it, knowing I was a computer nerd, to require church members who were in any way involved in ministry, Sunday School, Bus Ministry, Music, etc., to put a software on their home computers to block things that were considered ‘wrong.’ It was strongly encouraged that the whole church participated with this program, and probably the majority did. We simply did what our pastor told us to do.

That list of ‘wrong’ of course, was focused on pornography, violence, alcohol, and streaming of movies, television, etc. What was intrusive was that it wasn’t up to you install this software, or to control your own behavior. The software could only be installed by elders in the church, who came to your home to do it.

These elders installed the software with a password you could not be given, and the software could not be removed from your computer without their permission and password. Furthermore, it sent nightly emails to the pastor of your online activity, alerting them to you trying to access things that they didn’t want you accessing, and even telling them if you tried to uninstall it.

One young man in the church told me, “They did it with my tablet but as soon as I got it back I factory reset it.” They wanted this software on any phones and other mobile devices that could access the internet as well.

Of course, over time that demand settled. I would guess the majority of people got new computers and devices and never reinstalled it. I would also guess, the sheer volume of ‘monitoring’ time it took the pastor and his son (the son is now the pastor) would be overwhelming. Micromanaging people is a daunting task.

I, too, had the software on my home computer for awhile, but was tired of the restrictions and eventually reinstalled Windows to remove it. As a web designer with many ‘wine’ based clients, the software blocked me from going to websites that were about wine and it was constantly a major challenge to my business.

What has made it worse was that around 2015, the churches non-accredited private Christian school (which is just a fundraising and indoctrination arm of the church) went digital and changed curriculum, which required families with children in the church to purchase Chromebooks for their students. I’m a huge fan of digital, so this was a brilliant move to me, having children living like they were in the Little House on the Prairie times – they needed to be introduced to modern technology – but then the insidiousness of home invasion began anew. It was required that monitoring software was placed onto each Chromebook (which was not church/school purchased) so that school staff would be alerted to any young person infracting the church rules.

And even more ridiculous were the infractions. My good friend, who has disowned me because I now speak out against this church, was in charge of setting up these Chromebooks and told me “Kids were trying to look up Odyssey on there, or the weather, so I would call the school supervisor and tell her, ‘um’, you might want to go check on….”

This again is the church invading the personal and home life of its members, using control and fear tactics to keep people in line, teaching that absolute obedience to the pastor is required to be ‘righteous‘ before God. It is truly mind-boggling that a group of people (myself included for 15 years) would give another flawed and angry human being this level of control over their lives.

Letting the Preacher In

The second event wasn’t really an event, but an understanding, something the preacher would say from time to time to drive in the point of having the ‘right spirit’, or attitude of respect and obedience to the ministry.

“You should have the attitude that if I wanted to come to your home, and look through your drawers, and cabinets, and rooms, you would let me.”

This was such a devious teaching because as all of Satan’s lies, there is always this thin layer of truth covering the stink of rotten meat. In layman’s terms, the principle was that we shouldn’t have anything in our lives, and in our homes, that we would want to hide should the pastor come over. But, they spun it in such a way, that by osmosis, you would believe that he had the right to inspect your home whenever he wanted to.

It was this attitude of authority – that the preacher was God incarnate, the vicar of Christ, the authority of Jesus, the harbinger of His will.

In Family Class, which if you had children in the church’s (non-accredited) private school, you had to attend, they taught at times on what kind of underwear your daughters could wear.

In marriage retreats, several times it was covertly (via euphemisms and vague references) taught what types of sexual behaviors were allowable between husbands and wives. My pastor taught against masturbation, oral sex, and other ‘behind closed doors’ behavior, as if he had any business being there.

In other cases, several times in the church I attended, and in reports from other UPC church attendees (or previous/ ex-attendees), the Pastor would come to the person’s home after service, if that person wasn’t in church, and demand to know why he wasn’t there, all in the spirit of love and concern for his soul, I’m sure, and make sure they attended the next service.

My last example is my old pastor telling my wife how much weight she could lose. She had been dieting for some time after having our first child and was working to remove some of that extra baby cushion. The pastor met us in the middle aisle of the sanctuary, made some small chat, and then told my wife, who looked and looks great by the way, “You’ve lost too much weight, you need to stop.”

Conclusion

As the majority of my work is now focused on high-control and cult style systems, I must confess this writing is as a warning to you, who may read this, that if you or a loved one find themselves in a situation where this level of control is being demanded, it is a cult, and a very traumatic and dangerous situation to be in. It will be equally traumatic to exit but exit you must.

As with all cults and high-control systems, your exit will be just as painful as the realization that you are being controlled. Having your best friend disown you because you speak out against it. Having friends cut you off for ‘questioning’ the control. Children may move away from parents, and parents may deny their children unconditional love, conditioned on their obedience to the system.

As with the pyramid image above, these systems are a #1 – ‘We tell you what to do’, and this will often involve your vacations, jobs, purchases, finances, etc. Be wary and avoid these places, run from them, and if necessary, get your family out of them. They may not be willing to come, but over time, if you show unconditional love, they will see the difference between the offer of freedom that Jesus gave, and life has for them, vs. the demands of bondage these evil men require.

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