Category: Churches | Page 110 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Finding God in Spite of Men

My dad became the co-pastor of the church my grandfather pastored, and it was here that I spent the rest of my childhood. It is my understanding that they had the agreement all along that this would be the way that my dad would take over the church when my grandfather wanted to retire. This was to make sure there was no opening for the district to try to put in a pastor or influence the members.

It was during this time that I received the Holy Ghost, speaking in other tongues. I was eight years old, and had been “seeking” for a couple of years. The weekend before this happened, another little girl in the church had received the Holy Ghost, speaking in other tongues at a youth rally. I figured if she could do that, I could probably get it too. For me, there was nothing negative about this experience. It was wonderful in every way!

A few months before I had asked to be baptized, but my parents talked me out of it because they felt like I was just doing it because my friends were doing it. However, after that experience, I was allowed to be baptized. My grandfather baptized me in the name of Jesus. I know that I felt wonderful after being baptized!

However, even though we were little children, we were expected to pray for people in the altar, pray a full 30 minutes before church each service, and live “good holy lives.” It seems that before this point, I was not aware of the stipulations and rules about performance. After I received the Holy Ghost and was baptized, that burden begin to get heavier and heavier, as I slowly became aware of all the things “God expected” of me.

I remember one night during a very emotional service, my friend and I were falling out in the floor and rolling back-and-forth, because we had heard about the “old days” where people were “holy rollers.” Everyone was always “wanting to go back to the old paths in the old days.” I guess in our little minds we felt this was very spiritual. I remember one night during this time my dad “shouted”, which he rarely did, but when he was dancing, he turned over one of the pews on which a little boy was asleep. The child was not hurt, but did get dumped unceremoniously into the floor.

I remember one lady had difficulty giving up her cigarettes, even after being baptized and speaking in tongues. Several members of the church, including my parents, (which meant I was there too) stayed and prayed with her for hours, trying to help her “get the victory” over those cigarettes.

During those days, it was more common to have someone come to church who was “demon possessed“. When this would happen, and they would be trying to rebuke the devil out of this person, all of us children were sent into another room, presumably so the devil wouldn’t come out on us.

Very loud worship was encouraged, and if it was a really good service with a “real move of God,” people were usually dancing, having a “victory march”, “shouting”, or someone got the Holy Ghost. It happened a lot during that time.

I recall my dad getting frustrated with my grandmother, because during the long preaching, she would draw pictures for us on a tablet of paper and let us copy them. Once, my dad called her name out from the pulpit to rebuke her for drawing for us. It was not uncommon for him to call out certain children or teenagers who were not behaving during his preaching. Embarrassment seemed to be something he felt was effective for dealing with these kinds of problems.

As a shy child, I lived in fear of being called out in this way. It was very mortifying for me to have attention drawn to me negatively. I was very sensitive as a child, and a simple rebuke in private could bring me to tears. These public humiliations were a nightmare for me, and I did my best to avoid them at all costs.

Eventually my grandfather handed the church over to my father. He and my grandmother moved to another city to retire, and attended the church of my uncle, who was not United Pentecostal, but independent Oneness Pentecostal.

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Evangelism in the United Pentecostal Church

I was five or maybe six when we first started evangelizing in a small trailer. I remember how tense things would get when it was time to get ready for church. We would have to climb up on the bed and be very quiet and still while dad would get ready for church. We often got in trouble for not being quiet enough or still enough. Once dad was out of the trailer, mom would get me ready and send me to him, then get my sister and herself ready. I later discovered the reason for this was because the trailer was too small for more than one person to move around at once. This is the same reason we were allowed only two or three toys each.

Evangelizing meant lots and lots of church, everywhere, all the time. I heard my parents stressing over offerings that were not big enough to take care of our family. I heard conversations where dad got reprimanded for something he preached at a church. Once my bike was stolen when we were parked outside of the church. I never got it back.

Homeschooling while living that lifestyle was the worst ever! I can recall mom being so frustrated trying to teach me that she would send me inside the church, where my dad would be studying, in some area that the pastor had allowed him to use. He would try to teach me, but without fail, it would end up with him yelling at me, and then I would be too anxious to think straight. Although I later found out that I was fairly intelligent, I sure didn’t feel it during those times.

Eventually we ended up parked for several months outside a family member’s church in a different state. This family member pastored what, at the time, seem like a fairly large United Pentecostal church. I remember being babysat by a couple of teenage girls in the church. It was funny because the girls would spell things to each other, thinking that they were talking above our heads, not realizing that I very well knew how to spell those words. They were often talking about the pastor’s sons and their romantic involvement with them. It was not a very positive conversation.

At one point, this church ran a huge campaign on a college campus in that city. The campaign was to advertise a series of services they were planning to have, to expose the rock music agenda. I remember being terrified during those services as rock songs were played backwards to reveal secret messages, and fearful language was used to “bring conviction”. The place was packed out, but I don’t remember what the results of the services were. I do remember being terrified, and standing with my mom in the back, and then my mother taking us out, because the content was too scary for us. I appreciate her doing that.

There were a lot of private adult conversations that went on during that time, and I was vaguely aware of unrest. I never figured out the gist of those conversations. Abruptly, we left, and my dad took the pastorate of another small church.

At this new church they had a tradition of singing happy birthday every Sunday morning to all the people who had birthdays, and singing to all the people who were having anniversaries. Oddly enough, the anniversary song was “When the Battle’s Over, We Shall Wear a Crown”. I remember thinking that marriage must be really difficult.

We did not stay at this location very long. Again, I was too small to know all the details, but apparently my dad “butted heads ” with some of the older people in the church and was either asked to leave, or realized it was best to leave. We were again evangelizing, homeschooling, and experiencing family stress. We were in church services constantly.

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The Rapture & Scared Children

*WARNING: This contains material which may be triggering to some*

Rapture drills. Hell House. End-time revivals. The Y2K scare. Have you experienced them? Children have been left traumatized by these, scared to death they may be left behind while their parents and others are taken away to be with God. Even later as adults, some suffer from PTSD due to how these teachings were instilled in them.

For those unfamiliar with rapture drills, these would happen with the young people at a church or camp meeting. Sometimes there would first be a fear based message on the rapture and then the drill would be held. One explanation I heard was that they would hold a Bible or songbook and on the count of three everyone would drop theirs. This was to show how sudden and unexpected the rapture would be. Then it was emphasized the need to do certain things in order to be ready.

Several years back, I found on DVD the old series of movies from Mark IV pictures on the end-times. Remember A Thief in the Night, Distant Thunder, The Image of the Beast and The Prodigal Planet. They were shown at my former United Pentecostal Church. When I watched them once again, years after leaving, they left me feeling much different and with a bad taste in my mouth. I no longer cared for them.

I firmly believe adults and children should not be scared into following God. While there is a time and place to teach about eternity and unbelief, the message to those who do not know Jesus should be the Gospel – the death, burial & resurrection of Jesus Christ. It is about how God so loved the world and what this means to them. The message is about a new life in Christ. It is Good News; anything other than this is NOT good.

It is no wonder many have a distorted view of God when they hear more about hell, torment, and being lost than they do about God’s love and mercy and grace. Scaring people into believing isn’t the way, whether that be through end-time movies, rapture drills, threats concerning standards, tongues, or anything else.

I am going to share some excerpts of a blog that shows how this affected a young girl who was raised in the United Pentecostal Church.

The second coming of Christ was presented as a real and present danger of everyday life. Jesus could return at any moment, with one loud trumpet blast by way of announcement. If you were not saved you would be left on earth, which would become hell, complete with Satan, fire and demons, where you would burn forever and ever. Everyone who had followed directions would be whisked away to heaven and it was all going to happen in the blink of an eye. Let’s just say I had some anxiety as a child.

Anyway, I repented about a million times for my kindergarten sins and got baptized when I was six.

…Up until then, the fear of hell was real. I couldn’t go to sleep at night, especially after church. Preacher after preacher …would tell tall tales of untimely deaths and tragic accidents. …My dad said he didn’t believe we were going to get out without a scratch; meaning some of us would be tortured and killed for our beliefs before the rapture. So he was no help getting to sleep.

There was a traveling evangelist named Brother Richard Heard. He would visit the church, preaching nightly, sometimes for weeks at a time. The Rapture was his thing. He could scare the shit out of you before halftime. I distinctly remember him saying, “I don’t think we are going to see 1977.” It was 1976, I was 10 years old and had to sing myself to sleep with happy little tunes to shut out the voices.

Another former Christian has a very good article about his evangelical experiences.

One stormy night in the summer of 1992, I walked down the basement steps of my parents’ house to await the apocalypse. The Iowa air was thick with humidity, the ominous green sky prophesying a tornado. My 10-year-old hands trembled as I laid out my inventory: animal crackers, juice boxes, a Bible, and every sharp knife in the kitchen.

My parents were home late and my first thought was that they’d been raptured up to heaven. I was a sinner who had been left behind to face the Earth’s destruction.

Unfortunately, countless children have lived in fear that was caused by grown-ups. I think many do not stop and think before speaking to a child about something that even scares adults. How do you expect a young child to process teachings on the rapture, hell or the book of Revelation?

Please allow your children to be children and have a childhood. They already have more than enough to handle with how some things are in this world. Teach about the love of God, his mercy and goodness, and don’t tell stories that scare them half to death, causing them to live in fear. Some children are more sensitive, internalizing and taking these things very seriously and it can have devastating long-term effects.

If you were harmed by these, my heart goes out to you. It should have never happened.

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Maybe it is just me

For years when I didn’t seem to be able to ‘fit in’ in the cultic church that was my heritage, I would ask myself “is it just me?” Is it just me when it seems there is so little real friendship, or even so few real people? Is it just me when things just don’t make sense and I am unable to mindlessly just go along when everyone else seems OK? Is it just me when I feel shunned but don’t really understand why? Or when my beautiful well liked (everywhere but church) children are shunned? Is it just me when I feel I have no true friends in the church?

In viewing my life from this much older person vantage point, I think perhaps some of it was just me. When we first left the cult and found other escapees with similar experiences, there was great relief in thinking “OK, it wasn’t just me!”

However, upon reflection, I am beginning to realize much of my unhappiness in the cult came from my own nature to not be a cliquey, groupy, type person. I remember as a 10 year old getting all the neighborhood girls together to form a club, but though they were all my friends, some didn’t know each other and had formed their own little cliques. My goal was to ‘bring us all together’. Then in high school, after lunch, I would go from clique to clique, being friendly to many different and differing groups. One friend asked me why I didn’t just pick one group to belong; I really didn’t know, it just didn’t fit ‘me’.

As an adult, my hubby and I would throw parties and I intentionally invited people from my eclectic groups of friends, neighbors, church friends, scouting friends, homeschool friends, etc. I would make up icebreaker questions so they could get to know each other. One of the funniest is when ‘I was a high school quarterback’ was answered by our little petite friend, Marsha 😀 (it was an all girl team, but still . . . .)

In the cult, having outside, different friends was discouraged unless you were attempting to bring them into ‘the truth’. Following the rules explicitly was expected, but most seemed more than a bit hypocritical in this. Another way it probably was just me; I abhorred hypocrisy, so it was either I really followed the belief or I really didn’t. I have always worked diligently at being the same person no matter where I was.

So maybe, at least a part of why I never seemed to really fit into a group and culture that I was literally 3rd generation born in was ‘it was just me’! The best part of me! The me that refused to be part of a clique, the me that loved people from all walks of life, the me that tried to forge friendships in diversity, the me that refused to be hypocritical, the me that God created me to be.

It is OK to be me .

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Oneness In The Year 220

Just found this interesting tidbit of information. I always thought the Oneness doctrine was fairly new – late 19th century at least. But then I read about Sabellius.

The New World Encyclopedia says:

Sabellius, a Christian priest, theologian, and teacher, was active during the first decades of the third century, propounding a Christological doctrine that was later deemed heretical. Specifically, he advocated a modalistic view of divinity that described God possessing a single unified substance, albeit one that took particular forms (Father, Son, Spirit) in relation to human beings. As this doctrine denied full, discrete reality of each “Person” of the Trinity, it was anathematized, leading to Sabellius’ excommunication from the church in 220 C.E.

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