Author: John | Page 2 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

She’s Got The Look (Of Salvation)

Several days ago, a United Pentecostal Church pastor posted this picture on Facebook for a large number of people to see. I was startled by the adolescent logic and erroneous message of this image.

According to the meme, the woman on the left, by the way she dresses, is Christian. The lady on the right, by the way she dresses, isn’t one.

I can’t help but wonder why some in Christianity have forgotten Jesus, and replaced all the virtues of a Christian with a blind emphasis on such things as standards, women’s uncut hair, and pastoral obedience. Teachings like these have resulted in the UPCI Articles of Faith as the organization’s “new” New Testament.

No doubt, some leaders have truly made the movement a form of “Christianity Without the Cross”.

“This is wrong.”

“That is wrong.”

“Do this.”

“Do that.”

“The church down the street is charismatic and teaches a false doctrine.”

“The church across town is full of lies.”

Does relationship even matter? Only if all of the pastoral rules are followed.

Hey – they do preach Jesus! I found Jesus in a UPCI church. At Christmas and Easter, the Gospel is usually pulled off the back shelf, dusted off, and is the gimmick of those seasonal services. The goal is still about indoctrination, first and foremost.

So, by looking at these two ladies, can you tell who the Christian is? Obviously, this one pastor believes he can…

Personally, I can’t see their hearts. I have absolutely no idea which one is the Christian. The lady on the left could be a taco thief, or even an axe murderer. The lady on the right may be a sweet person who is passionate believer who spends her Saturdays feeding the homeless.

It’s my belief that we aren’t really good at judging the hearts of people…or, a book by its cover. So, why spend so much time doing that exact thing? Dietrich Bonhoeffer once raised a great point in his book, The Cost of Discipleship: “Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.”

Instead of judging people “saint” or “sinner” by only their looks, we should just extend a loving and warm welcome to all, and then allow the Holy Spirit and their relationship with God to dictate what they need.

Personally, that is how I strive to go about it. I have NO desire to play “God” in the life of anyone.

Someone once said, “When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself.”

Regarding the pastor who posted this, his own post defines him. In his eyes, if you’re female, you have to dress like the lady on the left to be considered a Christian.

Extreme Christianity is dangerous. It’s taking a good thing, and turning it into a cult. In extreme Christianity, the focus isn’t about faith, hope, and love – it’s anywhere but there!

I wonder if it was issues like this that caused Mahatma Gandhi to say, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

When Christians go to the extreme, they aren’t focused on Christ anymore. They have Him and His Gospel shut up in the back closet, collecting dust. They are so unlike Christ.

How sad.

Look at Christ’s own words, written in Matthew 7: 1-2:

“Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For by the standard you judge you will be judged, and the measure you use will be the measure you receive.”

Are those not humbling words?

I hope and pray to encourage the UPCI minister who places so much emphasis in issues of dress and standards.

Friend, have some faith in God! We don’t need to tell people how to live. That’s His job. Let’s make our focus building relationships between individuals and God. We need Jesus for that! Not dress codes, vain rules, or a hungry desire to make others obedient unto a leader. Let’s show everyone the type of love seen in John 3:16, the type of love Paul wrote about in 1 Corinthians 13.

It’s the love that changes us and makes us more like Him! You can do it! Refocus your heart and mind on Jesus!

As for everyone else, just remember, if salvation was built upon our images, then we would all be in trouble, because we all have flaws. The spirit of the world wants us to become so engrossed with looking right…That we forgot that the most important thing is where your heart is.

Rejoice in the Lord, always. I will say it again, rejoice!!!!! (Philippians 4:4)

Key verse to remember: 1st Samuel 16:7 – “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t be impressed by his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. God does not view things the way men do. People look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

The End Was Only A New Beginning…

“In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure no one listens.” ― Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery

Growing up, I knew nothing of the Apostolic church. The United Pentecostal Church, as far as I knew, didn’t exist. I didn’t have any friends in it. No family was part of it. It was a completely foreign subject to me.

When I was 17, that all changed. I attended a small private school, where there were several UPCI students. I hung out with some of the students, and even started to date a girl whose grandfather was the pastor of the local UPCI church. (Note: Her grandpa was also the presbyter of the section, and almost every church in the section was pastored by members of his family.)

We dated several years, and basically, I was accepted as part of that family. The early stages of my ministry even began, and I received a lot of the perks of being part of the ministerial family. I received attention, respect, and felt important – this was a totally different world than the one I grew up in, and I loved it. I was somebody.

Time progressed, and while my relationship with the girlfriend’s family grew, our relationship was falling apart. It was a bad deal, and to sum up quickly, one night she crossed a line where her verbal abuse became physical abuse, and that was it – it was over.

With that, came a strange and unusual problem.

A constant teaching within this family was that you should follow and obey your pastor. They “watched over you.” When you follow and obey their voice, their “anointing flows over you, also, and protects you.” If you ever turn away from their teaching, then you were in a lot of trouble. Not only were you disobeying them, but you were disobeying God, you were out of His will, and you will be sorry for doing that!

A short time after this, I was called into the pastor’s office, the grandfather of my ex. He made small talk for a bit, and then approached the subject about how I needed to stay at the church, and then said, “I want you to know, your breakup won’t have any effect on how I pastor you.”

I remember him saying that. I remember his voice being calm and that he was trying to be friendly. Looking back, I think he actually believed what he was saying.

Still, he was wrong.

One positive after the break up was that I was able to go out and hang out with people from other churches. I even went out on a few dates. I was instructed by the youth pastor that I needed to seek the pastor’s permission of anyone I wanted to go out on a date with, which stupidly, I did.

On one of these dates, I received a big shock – I was told how the pastor’s wife warned her about me. She relayed to me a bunch of flat-out lies which had all originated from a conversation several of the pastors had.

I went to my pastor, and he said he would take care of it. He didn’t say anything more. That was it. I trusted him. I went on my way.

Well, as I tried to go on with my life, there were still a lot of things being said about me. During this time, I was receiving harassing phone calls at all hours of the night. I was young, and still living with my parents. The calls were coming from the pastor’s family, and again, I told him about it. I saw his annoyance this time, but again, he said he would take care of it. This was the last time I trusted and believed in him.

The harassment went on, and the third time I mentioned it, instead of saying he would take care of it, he got angry and starting criticizing me over stuff I didn’t even know anything about. What was he told by family members? I have no idea. Looking back, I have trouble remembering everything he said, but not his attitude. I sat there, finding it impossible to believe this was happening.

I left his office with a breaking heart. The people I’d believed in were not only neglecting being ministers of the Gospel, but they were lying, and actively attempting to destroy my faith and hope. Sure, they may not have seen it like that, but what else would you call it?

The abusers kept on preaching in their churches. They kept singing the worship songs. They kept playing the music. There were NO repercussions for their actions.

At the same time, my ministry was over. The pastor even told me not to ask him about it again. No reason was given; my voice in church was completely silenced. I was being punished. It was so different from several years earlier, when the pastor shook my hand, hugged me, and told me thank you for everything I was doing to help keep the church alive. (There were a lot of behind-the-scenes problems the main family was keeping quiet.)

Now, I was nobody. I was a problem. It was obvious the family didn’t want me at the church anymore. Some couldn’t come out and say it, but their attitude and spirit showed it. I hated going to church. I felt like I had done this incredible evil because I would not tolerate abuse from my ex.

At the time, I was still a UPCI guy. I bought and believed all of theological kool-aid, especially when it came to “obeying and serving” the pastor. I didn’t have enough biblical knowledge at the time to understand the errors of its theology. One member of the family even called my house and told me that they would make sure I never have a ministry again, which was still so very important to me.

Dejected, defeated, and feeling lost, I went to the pastor’s house one day, and just told him this was wrong, and that I wasn’t coming back to his church. Every ounce of strength I had, all of the boldness I could muster up, I used it to do this in the “right attitude.” That was a big thing for them. I wanted to leave in a mature way, so if anything negative was said about me, it would be a lie.

One of the reasons this was so hard was because I felt if I tried to leave, it would be a one-way ticket to hell. Obedience to ministry (and the verse often used was to obey those who rule over you) was an important piece of salvation to these people. I was so afraid that I would go to hell, because to go against the pastor and his thought on “God’s Will” was damning. That is one reason why it took me so long to leave. I just came to a point where I was so miserable, I knew being away from it, I wouldn’t feel any worse than I already did. I also hoped that God would forgive me for leaving. It was a gamble in my eyes, but I didn’t know what else to do.

Looking back now, I can see that this experience really broke me. I don’t think I ever fully felt at peace in the UPCI after this. (On a side note: I eventually ended up at another UPCI church far away from this family, and my ministry did get going again. In fact, I eventually became a licensed minister in the UPCI for a while. I ultimately left because of theological differences, and the fact I was constantly seeing spiritual abuse in a lot of other places. Eventually, my conscience wouldn’t allow me to be part of that anymore, and I left.)

Some years later, after getting my UPCI license, I bumped into my former pastor’s wife, talked with her, and before leaving, I said, “I love you all and think of you all often.” She retorted, “Well, it was your choice to leave. You didn’t have too.” Not wanting to argue, I just replied, “Yeah, but I needed too.” She just smiled and shook her head. She didn’t get it. I thought to myself, if I hadn’t left, I wouldn’t be licensed, I might not even be alive.

I realize that pastors are people like you and I. They make the same kind of mistakes we do. Recognize though, that a good pastor will put your needs first. Not his. Not the church’s needs. If he is to be a good spiritual adviser, he can’t put traditions, doctrines, numbers, and his church before your own well-being. If the church is destroying your faith, someone who cares will do whatever he or she can to rebuild that faith, not punishing you because of family gossip. By biblical definition, YOU are the church. Not a congregation that meets on Sunday and is controlled by a man.

The end turned into a new beginning…

After leaving my home church, my broken heart was only getting worse. I wasn’t attending any church; I was too scared. I worked in a public place and was always seeing church folk. Some treated me like a backslider; I was in a really bad state. In the middle of one night, on the floor in my room, I just broke down and cried, and cried, and cried, like I can’t ever remember crying before. Everything was going through my mind, and I just kept asking God “why” all of this was happening.

Out of the blue, I just felt something that was so strong, it seemed audible.

“John, I love you.”

Everything changed after that. That small sentence felt more real than all of the tongue-speaking, all of the choirs, all of the crazy services, all of the preaching, all of the prayers, all of the education, all of the speeches from church leadership, and all of the study. That small sentence was the strength I didn’t have anymore. It has been my anchor in life. Through all of my trials, journeys, spiritual walk, and battles, I go back to that, and I have no doubt, He loves me. He still loves me. And as I journey on, His love will continue to be my guide.

He loves me. I hope that telling my life stories, you realize that He loves you, too. He never abandoned me. Even in the confusion and pain of spiritual abuse, and bad theology, the Love of God was still there.

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Hillary Clinton Accused of Possession

Note: This is NOT a political post. In no way am I supporting a candidate, trying to influence your vote, or change the way you think about any politician or political party.)

A short time ago, a friend of mine posted a video [link no longer works, so it was removed] on Facebook of Hillary Clinton having an awkward moment. I watched the video and didn’t think much of it. I figured that people who live 24/7 in the public eye are bound to have many weird moments that are caught on tape.

In an attempt to bring some smiles to those in the conversation under the post, I stated, “I wonder how long it will be before someone starts saying it’s a form of demonic possession?”

My question was answered the very next day when an Apostolic preacher posted [link from Rayford Strange no longer works] his thoughts on the video, calling it demonic.

Did Hillary Clinton have a seizure? I don’t know. Did she have a strong reaction to the noise of the reporters surrounding her? I have no idea, but it’s possible. Was this a sign of some sort, signaling to everyone that she has, at some point, been possessed by something demonic? I don’t see how that is possible. In fact, why would one even think that in the first place?

I’ve tried to understand how this episode was determined to be “demonic.” If it’s demonic, where is the evidence? I read his thoughts on the subject, but I can’t agree with him. I don’t see what he sees. Could it be if one wants something to look demonic, eventually, he is going to find something that fits his definition of demonic?

Why do things which are different and unusual come under attack as being something demonic? Why is there so much misunderstanding within the Apostolic movement?

Apostolic leaders have been known to tell a person there is “demonic influence” in his or her life, especially when directed to young people. To them, it seems anything could become a “demonic influence,” but some of the more common examples are art, music, people of other cultures and their heritages, people who look different, family members who haven’t been born again via Acts 2:38, movies, comic books, politicians, even certain church members – and the emphasis seems to be on that “evil” influencing members away from their churches.

Much of this thinking may come from the acceptance of bad theology. People may have a better understanding of the traditions within their churches than an understanding of actual scripture. Sadly, many traditions will also cause people to look at illness in the wrong way. Have you ever seen someone having a seizure being prayed for, then hear someone say, “I rebuke this demon!” while praying?

I have. It’s scary. People can really be hurt from this. In some instances, the heart of the individual was in the right place; sadly, the head wasn’t. Bad theology is bad theology, no matter how you look at it.

Cult ministries purposely over-emphasize “demonic influence/possession.” Why? This is one way the spiritually abusive leader will use fear to control and/or to keep a person “safe” within the confines of their influence and “ministry.” Talking about demons and evil can be a scary subject. Corrupt leaders will use that fear to influence people into doing what they want. Sad, but true.

Cult ministries also use this fear in an attempt to limit one’s ability to grow intellectually. A constant theme within this very movement is how often leaders talk about the spiritual danger of seeking higher education in public universities, and sadly, even Christian universities outside of their own theology.

Now, a difficult thing for me to process among all of this bad teaching on “demonic influence” is that I do believe in demons. The Bible talks about them. I don’t know of any other way to look at and understand specific scriptures within our Bible. I do believe there is some sort of evil that works against people of faith – but, I often don’t see it the way the “spiritual elite” see it.

Getting back to the Facebook post above, it’s my opinion that the author is using “demonic influence” as means to sway voters away from supporting Hilary Clinton in this upcoming Presidential campaign.

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