Memories: Taking vacation in an abusive church

I’m organizing old paperwork and came across some copies of old letters and thoughts, as well as a note to the church office to let them know I would be out of town. I’ll start with the note. Keep in mind that:

  1. I’d already talked to the pastor and his wife. The note was required as well, and directed to the office staff.
  2. I was going to campmeeting two states away. A lot of others were also attending, and everyone at church was aware that it was campmeeting time. My parents’ home was the halfway point in the trip.
  3. “Lord willing” meant “if the church leadership is still OK with this.” If I simply said I was going, I might be told I couldn’t go. If I went without permission or without this note, I would have probably been severely reprimanded on my return.
  4. I was at least 35 years old when this was written.

Everyone–as I talked to [pastor and pastor’s wife] a few days ago, Lord willing I plan to leave for my parents’ house on Friday. I plan to be there through Thursday, then head to [the camp]. I hope to be back late Sunday night. My first service back will probably be [date].

Contact information: [included parents’ names, address, and phone which they should have had on file]

At [camp] I’ll be staying at [hotel/campground info]. I will have both cell phone [and provide their numbers here, which they also had on file]…

Wow. I know that not everyone felt they needed to do this, and perhaps not everyone did at my former church. But soon after starting to attend, I sent a note without getting permission first that I’d be going home for Christmas. I was told I couldn’t go and be ‘right with God.’ And so I backed out of my Christmas plans with family. After that I always asked AND sent a note.

Can you feel the fear in the note? Did you feel fear like this? Did you feel you had to report every move, or have every move you made reported by others? Did your church take attendance and then, if you weren’t there, call on Monday, ask why you weren’t there, ask where you were, and reprimand you for not letting them know in advance, all under the guise of being ‘concerned’?

These requirements are unhealthy and unreasonable. I had a cell phone; they could have reached me any time if they were truly concerned. But missing a service, even a couple of services, shouldn’t be reason for a call from the church office, especially during campmeeting when 10-20% of the church members will attend. These are signs of an unhealthy church, not of love or concern. Love would give the benefit of the doubt, not a lecture. Love would never deny someone their family time or planned vacation.

(Side note–at this campmeeting I heard a sermon that finally completely released me to leave that environment. Within six months, I would leave that church and its organization for good.)

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Author: Through Grace

I was raised in a somewhat unhealthy church group within the Nondenominational Christian Church. After graduating high school, I began attending a United Pentecostal Church (UPC). I've been a member of four UPC churches and visited many others. Of the four of which I was a member, I was "encouraged" not to leave the first and then later sent to the second; attended the second where an usher repeatedly attempted to touch me and the pastor told me I should not care about the standards of the organization and was wrong to do so; ran to a third at that point, which threw me out after a couple years; and walked out of a fourth. For these transfers and because I refused to gossip about my former churches, some called me a "wandering star, a cloud without water" (Jude 1:12). I love the fact that when the blind man was healed, questioned by the Pharisees and temple rulers, and expelled from the temple, Jesus went and sought him out. He very rarely did this once someone was healed, but for this man, he did. I believe God has a special place in his heart for those who are abused, wrongfully accused, or condemned by religious leadership. I believe He loves those who are wronged by churchianity--yes, churchianity, not Christianity, because those who do these wrongs follow a church, not Christ. 1 John 4:7-8 7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. 9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. 10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.

One thought on “Memories: Taking vacation in an abusive church”

  1. Amazing how just accepted so much craziness and did see it as crazy at the time. So glad to be out of that mess.

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