Sacrifice, Salvation and Security

I had the opportunity to stand right at the head of the bed, with my mouth close to her ear. As she cried out anxiously “God, make me holy”, I whispered in her ear, “you already are holy! His blood has made you holy!”

Purpose: To understand the power of the cross limitations (if any) of grace.

Sacrifice

Leviticus 17:11 explains the purpose of blood sacrifice, “For the life of a creature is in the blood, and I have given it to you to make atonement for yourselves on the altar; it is the blood that makes atonement for one’s life.”

We see in Isaiah 59:2 that “It’s your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore.” Because of our sins, we had no connection to God, nor any hope of ever being connected, unless there was a blood sacrifice, which was the price of forgiveness. Hebrews 9:22 says “For without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness.”

The only way we could be forgiven was through blood. So, Jesus, being the only sinless one, the Son of God, died in our place so that we could be forgiven by his substitution–sacrifice for our sins. 1 Peter 2:24 shows that “He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right.” I Corinthians 5:21 says, “God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin so that we could be made right with God through Christ.”

Because of Jesus dying as a substitute for us, our sins are forgiven and we take on His righteousness when we become believers. Matthew 26:28 says that Jesus proclaimed, “for this is my blood, which confirms the covenant between God and his people. It is poured out as a sacrifice to forgive the sins of many.” I Corinthians 5:19 explains, “For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them.” Romans 5:9 agrees, “Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him!” Ephesians 1 also points out that “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace”

There are so many verses that point to these truths that it is impossible to share them all here.

Salvation

What then is salvation? He died for our sins, so does that just immediately make us all saved? What do we have to do?

In Acts 16:30, a man asked this very question of Paul and Silas, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” This was their very simple answer: “They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved, along with everyone in your household.”

These people believed, and then they chose to be baptized, but the passage doesn’t hint in any way that the choice for baptism was mandatory to their salvation. In fact, in verse 34, there is no mention of the baptism having any bearing on their joy or their salvation, saying “he and his entire household rejoiced because they all believed in God.“(emphasis added)

Romans 10: 9-10 further explains, ” If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved.” (emphasis added)

Ephesians 2:8, written to the believers in Ephesus states, “God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.” (emphasis added).

Although many of us were taught, or even indoctrinated to believe there was a whole list of things you had to do to be saved, these verses and many more make it clear that God wants our faith in the work of the cross…nothing we can do can save us…not baptism, not living a certain way, not anything.

Last year, several family members and acquaintances died. All were from the generation before mine, all still in the apostolic belief I grew up in. I went to two different funerals, and both were very sad, not only because of losing the loved one, but because of the things that were stated and believed by the majority of those who were at the funerals.

At my own mother’s funeral, my dad (a pastor) insisted on giving the message at the graveside. His entire admitted purpose for his small sermon was “to state the salvation message that some here may not have another opportunity to hear”. As I listened to what he was saying, it struck me anew how unbiblical it all was, and I was filled with sadness for the people who continue to believe it. He said that, “in order to ever see” her again, one had “to repent, and be baptized (using a certain formula), and …..and…..and live a life of holiness (a key phrase meant to imply dress standards)….and…submit to a pastor.”

As I listened, I knew that there were people there who, knowing I no longer belong to this group, were watching my facial expressions. When I first found my place, sensing what was coming, I looked at one of the roses on the casket, noting how beautiful it was, and I allowed my face to reflect the emotion the rose evoked. Then I froze my face in that exact expression, not allowing any change of emotion throughout the entire graveside service.

Yet, inside myself, as I listened to this proclamation of “how to be saved”, inside my head, I was hearing the strong refrain, “Nothing but the blood of Jesus! What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus! What can for sin atone? Nothing but the blood of Jesus! Naught of good that I have done. Nothing but the blood of Jesus!” I wondered, as I sat there, if my dad has ever stopped to think about what he is saying, or noticed how many “and’s” he added on.

I felt sad for my dad, and for all of the people who follow this teaching. I grew up in this church and didn’t leave until I was nearly forty years of age. I know and love many of these people, who are sincere, but so very “beat down” in their general demeanor. Somehow, they keep striving, and it is never enough. It will never be enough. God sees their works, their weariness, and their anxiety. I’m sure it makes Him sad too, watching those He loves so dearly, as they try to earn what He already freely gave.

Instead of understanding that there is not one blessed thing they could ever do to earn it, they are like the proverbial donkey with the carrot on a stick in front of them, continually toiling for something they can never obtain.

Jesus already did everything that was necessary to save. Our efforts are useless and frankly, disgusting. We can’t earn it or ever do enough. It is actually insulting to think that we devalue what he did by thinking we can somehow do enough to earn our way to heaven.

There is no “and…and…and” about it. It is simple, and in that simplicity, there is actually awe. It requires a lot of faith to really understand that we are completely and totally dependent on trusting God completely and trusting in the blood of Jesus to cleanse us from sin and save us. It requires us to rest in that hope and to stop our thrashing about and striving so hard to do something that is not humanly possible.

Our attempts at righteousness are, to God, as “filthy rags” Isaiah 64:6, speaking of the sinfulness of humanity, points out ” When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags.” Filthy rags stink. They are gross. They need to be washed. They are not fit to be placed at the table.

The only way we can be saved is to have our sins washed by the blood of Jesus…through faith in the work on the cross.

Security

Seeing what sin did to us, and understanding the purpose of the sacrifice on the cross leads us to salvation, but what happens after that? We are still human. Temptation is all around us, and we aren’t perfected. What happens when we sin again?

Some groups teach that every time we sin, we are again separated from God. They say that this requires us to repent (turn around and go the opposite direction) again and to re-experience the cross through prayer and a contrite attitude.

On the surface, that sounds legitimate. However, what happens if we suddenly die after making a sinful mistake and we haven’t had time to repent or pray?

Last May, when I was with my sweet, gentle momma, I saw her in dire emotional distress as she neared death. This experience forced me to begin contemplating this issue in a new way.

We’ve heard all the stories about the saints of God and their confidence and faith, dying peacefully. Because of those stories, (which I’d always believed, even if that seems naive), I fully expected to see that in this case.

Although mom did eventually find a peaceful death, I was very troubled by witnessing the extreme anxiety experienced as she first realized this was the end.

I saw clearly a conflict between sorrow of leaving loved ones behind, and the desire to see ones gone on before. This was something that I’d not considered before, but now know is a normal part of dying. Love hurts, even in death.

Beyond that conflict, I witnessed something that I had never imagined possible for my mother. She was awash in true fear about whether or not she was ready to go.

Mom had been serving God since she was a child. Although imperfect as any human, she was extremely contentious, and had never once turned away from her Christian beliefs or her service to God. My mother was widely known to be a very sweet, loving, and gentle soul who generally exhibited the fruit of the Spirit.

Yet, as she lay, suddenly aware that death was imminent, she cried out to God in fear and anxiety, asking Him to forgive her, over and over. She was yelling out for hours, begging for God to help her be holy. No amount of reassurance from my dad (whom she considered her pastor) or others was enough in that moment to calm the intense anxiety.

The experience was so troubling to me, that I have been haunted by it ever since. She had lived her entire life in a legalistic environment, as her dad was also a pastor in the same belief.

Obviously, I too grew up in the same. I remember often worrying that I’d forgotten to repent over some negative thought, or had somehow overlooked a failure that would “send me to hell”. It used to continually concern me that I’d somehow not done enough, despite my efforts. I recognized her anxiety and fear for what it was.

In the moment, my sister and my father were also aware of the nature of mom’s fears–for dad repeatedly tried to reassure her, then laid hands on her and rebuked the spirit of anxiety. By the time she had passed on, they had re-framed what occurred, altering it to fit with their beliefs. At the funeral, it was described that she “travailed for the lost for eight hours straight”. Those of us who had actually witnessed what happened knew the truth. Although she (believing that my sons and I are “lost”) did use some of that time praying for us to be saved, a large portion of the time was undeniably her own anxiety about being saved.

In this high control religion, indoctrinated with the teachings, we saw God as continually frowning down, constantly aware of any misdeeds. We pictured his frown of disapproval, because that is what was emphasized in our environment.

Knowing what I know now, I was filled with deep sorrow for my sweet, sensitive mother. She was denied the peace and assurance that she was headed straight into the loving arms of God. False doctrine had robbed her and left her afraid. I could not help thinking of 1 John 4:7-19.

Here are some excerpts (in bold is the specific portion that came to my mind as I stood by my mother and held her hand). “Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. All who declare that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love….as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”

In light of this passage, it is heartbreaking that someone could live almost seventy years showing the love of God, and still be so afraid of being lost.

As I witnessed her fear on that day in the hospital, I remember feeling such sadness and pain, watching her struggle, and knowing that it stemmed from legalistic beliefs about salvation and works. Now, I’m angry. I’m angry to think how peace, love, and joy was stolen from her by years of false doctrine. She knew nothing else. It makes me angry to think of her mental anguish over such an untruth.

I knew my opinion was not welcome in the family, as everyone in the room (outside of me and my boys) was part of the legalism. Toward the end of the day, I had the opportunity to stand right at the head of her bed, with my mouth close to her ear. As she cried out anxiously “God, make me holy”, I’d had enough of trying to “go with the flow”. I quietly whispered in her ear, “you already are holy! The blood of Jesus has already made you holy!” I began to quietly sing a song that one of them had written long ago “I can come to Him boldly, stand in the Holy of Holies. His blood has made me worthy. I can come boldly unto the Lord.”

Hebrews 13:12 states, “So also Jesus suffered and died outside the city gates to make his people holy by means of his own blood.”(emphasis added)

It is incomprehensible to me that a God of love would want one of his precious saints who had always loved him and shown his love to others to suffer the anxiety and distress of coming to the end of the road, feeling as if they still were “not good enough“.

Of course, none of us are good enough by human effort. Still, if our faith is truly in God’s work on the cross, would He not want us to have peace in our passing?

Romans 5:1 “Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us.” (emphasis added). This shows the power of our faith in him…not our faith in our own service to him.

If it is His work on the cross that saves us, then putting our faith in anything other than His perfect work on the cross is wrong. It is insulting to the suffering of Jesus on the cross to think we can do anything beyond what He has already done. Ephesians 2:8-10 teaches that, when we trust in our own works (any effort we put forth) for salvation, we are taking away from the work on the cross.

It is the shed blood of Jesus that substitutes for our death. His sacrifice on the cross makes us sinless before God.

So what about besetting sins?

In my above example, my mom had done her best to follow God, as she understood him, all her life. She had worried and fretted over every possible sin and had lived a life of contriteness.

Not everyone lives this way though, and at this point, it seems to me that living as she was indoctrinated to live is perhaps even dishonoring to God, because of the level of fear and anxiety that is present. If we love God and if understand his love perfectly, would there be such a constant fear of displeasing him?

Then, where do we draw the line? Because there is grace, does that mean we just live however we want to live, with no regard for right and wrong? Once we have faith in his work on the cross as the only saving power, does it mean we are sinless in his eyes no matter what we do from that point forward?

(to be continued)

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Forsaking Family for Ministry

I recently received word a man I knew from my former church passed away after battling a long illness for years. While the details of his illness are not known, the part that stands out to me is whether or not the individual made peace with his family as well as with his Maker.

I attended and worshiped at the same church with him for over 16 years. We sat in the same lectures from the pulpit about how we were to place our “calling” above all other relationships, including those with our loved ones. Some of us had intimate relationships with a significant other (I had a girlfriend when I joined the church, and still maintain my involvement ended our relationship). One of the Scriptures used to teach us the priority of our ministerial calling was found in Matthew.

Matthew 19:29 (KJV) – And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.

We were told for the longest time that if we spent more of our vacation/leave time with our families instead of the church, we were wrong. Some of my friends in the church admitted they completely ruined their relationships with parents and siblings all in the name of obedience to the church and its teachings. I was fortunate not to have done this, but nonetheless my own family relations were strained.

My friend who passed recently was one of those whose devotion to what he felt was God’s calling – remaining single, forsaking family, and devoting every waking moment to the ministry – took a serious toll on him over the years. As his health deteriorated, the one question unanswered is this: did he reconsider some of his decisions and make amends with loved ones who weren’t part of the church? I pray he did, but will never know.

Some of the men who still attend are in similar straits. Their only family is in the church; their natural family relationships are strained almost beyond repair. A couple of them are left with no option as they have no surviving family members left. That is just as bad, as they have no one to turn to outside the church.

I still believe Jesus wants us to place Him first, but not completely sever family ties in doing so. How can destroying a relationship with one’s parents fulfill this Scripture?

Exodus 20:12 (KJV) – Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

Answer: It doesn’t.

 

Are Christians Required to Give Everything Up to Follow Christ?

This is a companion piece to a post that appeared on my AJ the Irish Lass’ Ramblings blog, “Must Christians give up their families, possessions, and money to follow Christ?”

No, This is Not a “Crazy” Question

It’s often said that the only stupid question is one that’s never asked, and that holds true in this case. I’ve actually encountered people who have thought this was the case, making this issue one worth addressing, as ideas have consequences.

The people I encountered who felt this way had concluded that following Christ was pointless without living the lifestyle of itinerant “preachers”, renouncing their families, and giving up everything they owned. I’m sure it probably comes as no surprise that there had been unhealthy church involvement on both their parts.

Where the Heck Did They Get These Ideas, Anyway?

Matthew 16:24-25 WEB Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, and whoever will lose his life for my sake will find it.”

Self-denial is about making God a priority, not shutting out everyone and everything else. Doing this can be a struggle, and each of us needs to decide for ourselves how to find this balance. We’ll be able to experience God’s blessings and love far more fully.

Matthew 10:37 WEB He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he who loves son or daughter more than me isn’t worthy of me.

Please note that this is not a condemnation of the nuclear or extended family – far from it. I think it’s more of a prohibition against allowing others in our lives to disrupt how we live out our faith. Think about it this way: If followers of Christ weren’t to have families, why would there be instruction about our dealings with fellow family members elsewhere in the New Testament?

Matthew 19:21-26 WEB Jesus said to him, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have, and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” But when the young man heard the saying, he went away sad, for he was one who had great possessions. Jesus said to his disciples, “Most certainly I say to you, a rich man will enter into the Kingdom of Heaven with difficulty. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through a needle’s eye, than for a rich man…”

The problem with the young man wasn’t that he was rich in and of itself. Instead, it would be more accurate to say that his refusal to sacrifice any of his wealth was a problem. It’s not necessary to have any particular religious viewpoint to see how wrong it is for people to allow their wealth to rule them.

The Heart of the Matter

The extreme example that both of the people I referenced felt was necessary to follow is a major case for why Scripture-twisting is something to avoid. Listening to people who advocated this type of lifestyle without following it themselves shows why we need to use discernment in all our dealings. 

The Impact of God Distortions

       Many believe in a “God” who hates or condemns those they find objectionable or whose faith they disagree with. No matter whether the excuse is “It’s what the Bible says”, “It’s part of our tradition”,  or “Pastor Whatsis believes that”, the problem is the same: The image of Christ’s self-emptying (kenosis) for our reconciliation is being distorted. Trying to “remake” God because the mercy given to us in the form of Jesus is too much to swallow is one of the biggest traps we often fall into.

     They have tried to create a deity in their own image, a deity whom they want to hate those who differ from them or who gives them license to impose their twisted doctrine on others. The commandment against creating graven images doesn’t just refer to statuary or the other forms that “idols” from various religions take. At the heart of this commandment is not putting anything in God’s place, which is exactly what happens when people try to remake God in their image.  

     Such behavior on the part of professing Christians shows a lack of trust in the One who made them.  In distorting God to suit their prejudices or legalism,  they are demonstrating that lack of trust. Trying to dictate who is or isn’t worthy of salvation based on Scripture-twisting or otherwise attempting to fence God off from those seeking salvation aren’t behaviors of those who put all their faith in the One who made them.

     Fear of The Other dominates those who think this way and their prejudice can have dangerous effects. There is often a fine line between disagreeing with someone’s actions and condemning the people themselves. If we’re to follow the Way of Christ, it must be a way of love.

     God is far more powerful than these distortions and those who create them, as powerful as they may seem to us. When we move past these distortions, we can have a greater appreciation for our Redeemer. Peoples’ distortions of God may seem all-powerful, but we need to remember that God is greater still.

IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Domestic Abuse (Part Six)

Waiting anxiously to speak with her pastor’s wife, Debbie paces back as forth, heart pounding, and thoughts racing through the altercation with her husband the night before.

Surely, Jennifer will be annoyed by me bothering her again. He gets so angry though. I do not know what to do. But what if Mark finds out I am talking to someone about what happened?

Her pastor’s wife, Jennifer, laughs contagiously, chatting about the joys of shopping with little children in the cart, reaching for various products on the shelves until they tumble down into piles on the floor.

I make sure to do the grocery shopping on my own when Mark is at work, hoping it will take some of the load off his plate. Maybe I need to make more of his favorite meals.  I do my best to make sure dinner is prepared when he arrives, but it has been difficult to keep the house tidy with four little children, ages four and under. Last night was one of those nights. Maybe if I wake up at four instead of five, I will have more time and energy to clean the way he prefers.

Debbie sighs. A young teenage girl catches Jennifer’s eye, excitedly asking questions about modesty standards and where to find dresses that are modern but do not draw a man’s eyes.

I have already tried learning better techniques for eye shadow and applying lipstick and I even went out and bought the more expensive brands, which only made Mark angrier. I fix up my hair in curls and apply the make-up every day like Jennifer suggested, putting on my best dresses for him with heels. But it just isn’t enough. Maybe he prefers a different style?

Jennifer finishes conversing with the young lady and invites Debbie to join her in the pew, realizing that she has been waiting for an extended period. Holding back the tears, Debbie confides to Jennifer about Mark’s explosive temper last night over the food not being completely set on the table and the sink not being empty of dishes from the day. Debbie knows her husband works long hours at a stressful job site to provide for the family, but even the little things seem to set him off. She shows Jennifer the fresh bruises on her arms. Concerned, Jennifer puts her arms around Debbie, knowing first-hand the pain she endures day-to-day.

“I’m so glad you came to me,” replied Jennifer. “Your hair and make-up look wonderful, and your dresses are modest but beautiful. Have you tried making yourself more available to him in the bedroom? He needs to know that you are willing to be an attentive, submissive wife, and being physically accessible to him at any time would help relieve some of his stress after long days away from the family. A godly wife needs to build her husband’s confidence, but you cannot do that if there is even a trace of bitterness in your heart. If there is, you need to make that right with Mark before asking God’s forgiveness and then ask for His help to be a better help-meet to your husband.”

Tragically, calling the authorities over domestic abuse is one of the last resorts, if not significantly discouraged, in mainstream Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) churches. The most common form of counseling is directing the wife on how to be a more attractive, subservient, and fulfilling help-meet, and only minimally instructing the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church. The end-goal is sending the woman back under the submission of her husband as quickly as possible. Though appalling, the patriarchal system that extends from IFB churches to the homes of their congregants creates the perfect set-up for hidden, long-term abuse through intense isolation, extreme spiritual expectations, financial dependence, silenced cries for help, and the heinously corrupt system of handling trauma and abuse.

Intense Isolation

As “Keepers at Home,” women are expected to balance caring for multiple children and home, while their husbands provide for the financial needs and required manual labor. Pastors intensify these expectations by preaching God’s command to Noah to “Go forth and multiply.” While not associated with the Quiverfull Movement, this idea is quickly permeating into IFB churches around the country as a growing number of pastors advocate against the use of birth control or preventative methods, harrowing “I realized I did not love children as God loves children” and “I want to have all the children God has for me!” Large, growing families, living solely off one income, are forced to be without their husbands and fathers for days or weeks at a time while they work eighty to ninety hours a week, sometimes even out of state, leaving mothers practically alone to raise countless little ones from newborn stages to adulthood.

Because of this, the majority of the mothers’ friends, if not all of them, come from church services and fellowships. They are further isolated solely to their homes and church families because of messages against the dangerous influences of family, friends, television, and social media on their husbands’ vineyards, preventing nearly all outside thought or persuasion. A timid and likely uneducated, married woman with the strain of multiple children is of little threat when dependent upon the husband’s income, filled only with countless hours of studying Christian homeschool materials and Sunday school lessons.

Extreme Spiritual Expectations

A former missionary wife, now pastor’s wife, recently taught a group of missionary-wives that the virtuosity of the Proverbs Thirty-One Woman is not limited to religious circles but is exemplified in women in certain third-world countries. Because of this, she concludes that even the lost can be virtuous, and thus, the Proverbs Thirty-One Woman, also known as the Virtuous Woman, is the bare-minimum standard in God’s eyes. Because of twisted views of this passage, wives and mothers are expected to learn the intricate, time-consuming practices of sewing, crocheting, knitting, craft-making, and decorating on top of their usual household chores and daily homeschool program. Where better to put those skills to use than to make specialized, modest clothing!

In terms of appearance, wives must balance between keeping their husband’s attraction while being held responsible for, or while assuming responsibility for, not drawing another man’s attention to any aspect of their bodies, whether through dress, make-up, or jewelry. Following late nights of sewing, crafting and cleaning, women are still expected to rise early for Bible reading, study and prayer, in order to joyfully instill Biblical precepts into their children throughout the day, without complaint, “Just like the Virtuous Woman.” Sadly, any regular sharing of the responsibilities of child-rearing and house-work between the husband and wife marks a wife non submissive and and the husband less-than a man, leaving the burden entirely on the woman.

Financial Dependence

Pastors encourage husbands to take a man’s “rightful place” over the finances, not considering individual weaknesses and strengths, often leaving women completely helpless after the men pass away, ignorant of their financial standings. Take a mother of six children, educated through Bible college, now clueless about the amount their family spends each month on the phone bill, even indifferent to the fact that she does not even know her family’s mobile carrier. Imagine a woman whose husband cannot hold a job, but even with a steady occupation for a few months, he writes the tithe check with varying amounts every week. She does not understand why it fluctuates with two fixed incomes but encourages herself to trust the man God has placed over her without question. Lamentably, these examples are just the tip of the iceberg. Women are taught it is acceptable and godly to be ignorant of the finances, trusting in and submitting all of it to the leading of their husbands as heads of their households.

Silenced Cries for Help

“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband” (Eph 5:33).

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land” (Prov 31:23).

The wide-spread view of authority in the husband-wife relationship in IFB churches involves a scenario where the man lords over his vineyard, the woman in complete subjection to the husband without argument or complaint unless his commands go directly against the Word of God. Women may express their opinions by making “godly appeals,” but are to otherwise remain silent after a man decides, cleaning up the aftermath in the lives of those affected, still honoring and uplifting the husband’s actions. A woman’s speech pertaining to her husband is only permitted to be respectful and reverential, severely limiting disagreement or varying opinion, except in extreme cases of abuse and wrong-doing. Even in these situations, speaking-up is frequently viewed with disdain and regularly discounted based on the man’s public testimony.

In the secular world, degrading one’s spouse privately or publicly is considered detrimental to a marriage and though the same is equally true in Christianity, IFB churches place the greater burden of silence on the women. Remember the pastor’s wife who says that a wife should never say anything negative about her husband to God? If a woman cannot even go to God, how much more does this fallacy apply to speaking to other men and women? The same pastor’s wife believes an abused wife should be sent back under the subjection of her husband. Pastors encourage women who are verbally abused to pray for their husbands and ask God to aide them in being a better help-meet, while those who are physically abused are admonished to never involve the authorities, despite the immediate danger to their families. Above all, a wife must be careful not to speak ill of her husband to anyone lest her speech impact her husband’s reputation in the ministry or hinder someone from accepting Christ. She is to go home, be a living-testimony to her husband as a godly, submissive wife, and pray not only for God to change his heart, but to help her love and forgive, that bitterness not take root in her heart. This silencing, under the preface of humility and honor, fashions the final piece of the overriding theme of male dominance and control, allowing domestic abuse free-reign in the home.

The Perfect Storm

Stepping outside onto the wooden porch, the warm summer air is dense and suffocating, blustering upwards from the south, blanketing the heavens with a familiar yet disconcerting green hue. Soaring eagles feel the chilly shift and instability up above, frigid air billowing in from the west. But in between lies a third layer of dry, burning heat, allowing the warm air below to rise in temperature, establishing conditions for the perfect storm: an F5 tornado with the ability to span up to two and half miles wide, indifferent to the unlimited destruction in its path. Through the innocent desires of Christians to please the Lord in their marriages, canopied by man’s need for dominance and control, men blindly lead their willingly-submissive wives into abuse’s strongholds of vulnerability and entrapment.

What is a woman like Debbie supposed to do with an abusive husband like Mark? Anyone outside the church walls recognizes the need to get the authorities involved, keeping detailed records and escaping to a safe-house or woman’s shelter, but hindering a husband’s reputation or arrogantly stepping out from under his God-given authority is considered disgraceful and scorned.  Those necessary lines of protection are blurred within the IFB movement, encouraging biblical counsel through the limited psychological study of a pastor, rather than through a trained, experienced professional. Debbie is isolated to her home with friendships limited to her like-minded church family, she has no college education, and has been out of the workforce for fifteen years. Not only is she undesirable to employers, she is clueless about her financial standings and what money might be available to her for sustainability as she considers her and her children’s escape from her husband’s destructive temper.

If she confides in a pastor, few may advise reporting the abuse, but others may bring the husband into the room for questioning and counseling, creating a greater tension and danger when the family arrives back at home. Alternately, some are encouraged to ask God to search-out their own heart for what may be hindering their marriages and fueling their husband’s anger, taking a “wait-and-see” approach. Sadly, those are just the ones that dare to speak the truth against the status-quo of solely uplifting their husbands, whether they be right or wrong. Others continue silently in the abuse, justifying the verbal and physical beatings day by day, striving to be a godly submissive wife, while some never fully awaken to the cruelty they endure. The standard Independent Fundamental Baptist arrangement for leadership and submission in church polity, as well as the home, though usually starting from the pure desire to do right, creates the perfect storm for long-term, hidden abuse in families throughout their churches..

*Disclaimer* This series, “Why Am I a Baptist?” is NOT an exhaustive list of IFB doctrine. Because of the autonomous nature of IFB churches, this evaluation is of the movement as a whole, rather than a hard-and-fast rule. It may be possible to find healthy IFB churches, but they are few and far between because of various associations known as “camps”, typically surrounding well-known preachers or preference of worship style.

Why Am I a Baptist?
IFB Doctrine: The Baptist Distinctives
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Church Polity (Part One)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and the Leading Lady (Part Two)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Marriage (Part Three)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Keeping at Home (Part Four)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Sexual Obedience (Part Five)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Domestic Abuse (Part Six)
IFB Standards: Rigid Music and Dress Standards (Part One)

“About Tornadoes.” Weather Underground, www.wunderground.com/resources/education/tornadoFAQ.asp.


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