I was not raised a PK but as a pastor’s wife I had trouble fitting in with other pastor’s wives because I thought I wasn’t good enough to be around them. I wasn’t raised by Christian parents and especially not in a pastor’s home.
I did raise two children as PKs but tried to make their lives as normal as possible. I also know my kids were treated differently and were often excluded from activities and parties because they were the pastor’s kids.
It did save the life of my daughter one night when her two friends decided to live on the wild side and went to a party where they consumed alcohol and were involved in a terrible accident and both girls were killed. If my daughter would have been with them, well let’s just say she could have been killed too. This caused my daughter to suffer guilt because she hadn’t said anything to us about the party. She knew why she’d been excluded but didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to be a snitch. The years passed, my son went away to college and my daughter married and my husband left me for another woman and I was left to clean up his mess.
My life changed immediately and the saints took their hurt out on me. It wasn’t a good time in my life. I moved to a bigger city 2 hours away where my son lived and my daughter and her family followed suit. Her marriage was crumbling and soon she was divorced with three young daughters. We couldn’t find another United Pentecostal Church where we felt welcomed because we were no longer in the ministry but were still isolated from the saints. I had women coming to me in the church warning me away from their husbands and my daughter couldn’t attend because of her ex.
So we finally found a non-denominational church to attend. Here we found hope, love and a new beginning. But most of all we found acceptance without the stigma of our past.
I had close friends at my job but it was hard to make friends at church because of our past, but we did and most of all we feel at home.
My kids and I definitely suffered by the elitism of the UPC ministry but from the lack of it in our new church we’ve been able to achieve some normalcy. My daughter married a good man a few years ago who had 2 daughters and they have a wonderful blended family and I was blessed with 2 more granddaughters. I have also been blessed with a very nice man and we’ve been dating for three years and he is not a minister at all!
Through this we’ve learned to be kind and friendly to everyone and we welcome all to our homes for dinner, not just ministry. I belong to a sweet group of people who call me by my first name with the usual “sister” in front of it. I’ve got an identity that is all my own.
So what started out as the worst time of my life has changed to the best time.