Twisting scripture

As kids, we were playing with some neighbors. We had some cheap plastic bead play necklaces. One of the neighbors decided to twist it around and around her fingers, snapping the beads, glued to the string, together so that they interlocked and made ring-like loops. In twisting them, she wound them too tightly and her finger started to swell. She panicked, trying to get it off and realizing it was stuck. We finally got it off and she was thankfully OK. I don’t think we ever told our parents, and I doubt she ever twisted those strings of beads around her fingers again. That wasn’t the worst knot I’ve ever untangled, but it was the scariest.

The worst knot… There was a woman in our church who got a knot in her hair. Instead of getting it untangled immediately she tried to hide it while she worked on getting it out. Cutting it out wasn’t an option due to our beliefs, and so the knot grew and grew. She wouldn’t wash her hair, afraid the knot would get worse. By the time she finally admitted her problem, it was a nightmare of a 3″x5″ or so mat of hair that started just a few inches from her scalp. We finally got it untangled for the most part. I warned her to braid her hair before washing it so it would have time to straighten and no chance of tangling back up. She didn’t listen, and the knot came back. In the end a whole group of church women (not me) spent hours gathered around her while she yelped with pain, pulling at the knot and untangling it. She lost a lot of her hair in the process.

Some knots are fairly easy to untangle, but some are almost impossible to remove, particularly if they aren’t cared for quickly. When words are tangled into knots, especially when scripture is tangled, it wraps itself not around our fingers but around our hearts. Unlike my  neighbor, most of the scripture twisting that binds us is not our fault or something we foolishly choose to wrap ourselves in, but rather it is bound around us by others. Some of them mean well. Others I’m not so sure. What I do know is the harm that twisting scriptures can cause.

It is very difficult to untangle the words that some weave into knots in our lives, particularly when they righteously declare that it is not them speaking, but God. Even if we know that God has nothing to do with what’s being said, if we hear it enough, it may sink into our minds. We miss some of the knots, particularly the smaller ones, and they tangle around us. And like any knot, it will be easier to untangle these words the less we’ve heard them, the smaller the proverbial knot.

Knots can be undone. It takes time. Sometimes it takes cutting a few strands. And many times it takes careful concentration and a frustrating amount of time. But be encouraged, it can be done. And with care, we can rid ourselves of the knots completely while still enjoying the threads or strands that they were woven from. The strands themselves aren’t all bad, just the way they are tied together, and the way they were used, to bind rather than mend.

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Third Book Giveaway Of 2017

This giveaway is now closed.

We have given away books for years as part of the spiritualabuse.org ministry and this will be our third large one via this blog for 2017 and it is in celebration of our one year anniversary of the blog section. This is your chance to receive one or more free books on various issues. After making your request, be sure to respond to my email requesting your mailing address if I do not already have it. In some past giveaways we had people request items but never responded. This keeps material from others.

The first people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive their choice of books/DVDs/CDs at no charge to them. (Unfortunately, it is cost prohibitive to mail these books outside of the USA.) To respond, just leave a comment for this post. If you are unsure what any item is about, the links will take you to Amazon where you may read their description and reviews.

Up for grabs are several used books, DVDs & CDs. Being used, they will have imperfections. Many of these I have not read, so do not take their inclusion as an endorsement from me.

  1. Two paperback copies of Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. (One has some highlighting.)
  2. One hardback copy of Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. (Has some markings.) TAKEN
  3. One paperback copy of Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. TAKEN
  4. One hardcover copy of Zondervan Handbook To The Bible.
  5. Two hardback copies of The Church Awakening by Charles Swindoll.
  6. One hardback copy of The Grace Awakening by Charles Swindoll. (some markings)
  7. One paperback copy of The Unauthorized Guide To Choosing a Church by Carmen Renee Berry. TAKEN
  8. One paperback copy of Testament The Bible Odyssey.
  9. One hardback copy of Naves Topical BibleTAKEN
  10. One hardback copy of Holy Bible New Revised Standard Version.
  11. One paperback copy of The Year Of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs. TAKEN
  12. One paperback copy of Changes That Heal by Henry Cloud. TAKEN
  13. One paperback copy of Changes That Heal Workbook by Henry Cloud. TAKEN
  14. One hardcover copy of Prayer: Does It Make A Difference by Philip Yancey. (some markings) TAKEN
  15. One hardcover copy of What Good Is God? by Philip Yancey. TAKEN
  16. Two hardcover copies of The Bible Jesus Read by Philip Yancey. TAKEN
  17. One hardcover copy of The Truth Book by Joy Castro. (Jehovah’s Witness Abuse)
  18. One KJV Thompson Chain Reference Study Bible. (Has some markings and water damage near the back.) TAKEN
  19. One DVD of The Story Of Two Kings/Where Did The Bible Come From.
  20. One DVD of Cult Explosion: Cults Exposed By Those Who Escaped (Walter Martin). TAKEN
  21. Kidz Bible Audio Bible For Kids NIRV MP3 Format – new. TAKEN
  22. The Gospel of John 2 DVD Set. TAKEN
  23. The Case For Faith The Film DVD by Lee Strobel. TAKEN
  24. MP3 CD NIV Audio New Testament Dramatized by Faith Comes By Hearing. – 2 available
  25. Tangled Blu-Ray Disc (Only includes the Blu-Ray)
  26. Deluxe Compact Disc Psalms & Proverbs NASB. 5 CDs
  27. Two paperback copies of Since Nobody’s Perfect How Good is Good Enough by Andy Stanley. ONE TAKEN
  28. One paperback copy of A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard.
  29. One paperback copy of The New Foxe’s Book Of Martyrs by John Foxe. TAKEN
  30. One paperback copy of I Don’t Have Enough Faith To Be An Atheist by Norman Geisler. TAKEN
  31. Two paperback copies of Be Still And Know That I am God Adult Coloring Book. TAKEN
  32. One paperback copy of The Emotionally Abused Woman by Beverly Engel. TAKEN
  33. One paperback copy of Grace God’s Unmerited Favor by Charles Spurgeon. TAKEN
  34. One paperback copy of The Case For Christ Student Edition by Lee Strobel.
  35. One paperback copy of Resisting Happiness by Matthew Kelly. TAKEN
  36. One paperback copy of The Shack Large Print by Wm. Paul Young.
  37. One paperback copy of Healing Spiritual Abuse by Ken Blue (book was mangled by USPS but still very readable). TAKEN
  38. One paperback copy of John Life Application Bible Studies. (has a little writing) TAKEN
  39. One paperback copy of Romans Life Application Bible Studies. TAKEN
  40. One paperback copy of Growing Up Amish by Ira Wagler. TAKEN
  41. One paperback copy of Controlling People by Patricia Evans. TAKEN
  42. One paperback copy of Happiness Is A Choice by Minirth & Meier (On depression). TAKEN
  43. One hardcover copy of Cruden’s Complete Concordance. TAKEN
  44. One hardcover copy of Hurt People Hurt People by Sandra Wilson. TAKEN
  45. One hardcover copy of Life’s Healing Choices by John Baker.
  46. One hardcover copy of Captured By Grace by David Jeremiah. TAKEN
  47. One hardcover copy of The Emotionally Healthy Church by Peter Scazzero. TAKEN
  48. One hardcover copy of Hinds Feet On High Places by Hannah Hurnard.
  49. One hardcover copy of Financial Peace Revisited by Dave Ramsey. TAKEN

The first people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive their choice of book(s) at no charge to them. To respond, just leave a comment on this post. Please understand that comments require approval unless you have previously commented with the same email and screen name. So while it may look like you are first, there may be someone ahead of you whose comment is pending. Be sure to use your actual email address when setting up to comment as I will be contacting you through it if I do not already have your address. Check your spam folder as email sometimes goes there. (For your privacy, do not put your email or address in the comment.)

Be sure to mention which book(s) you would like and you may refer to them by number instead of the title. There is no limit on how many you may request, though you may only have one copy of any title.

Mailing may be slower than normal this time around due to the upcoming holiday and will be dependent upon funds in my PayPal account.

We always provide these at no charge to our readers. The total cost for just the postage on our first and second 2017 giveaways, plus the cost of the Christianity Without The Cross giveaway, was $165.96. Postage for this giveaway was $43.12.

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Why does it take so long?

People may wonder–*I* wonder–why it’s taken me so long to get over some things. Part of it is that I was abused in more than one church, and had been taught to doubt myself and be dependent even before that, so there’s been a lot to dig through. Part of it is that… well, think of people who were hit with a hurricane or tornado. Some sustain more damage than others.

I visualize a person who had their roof blown off looking at me, sorting through the rubble where there was once a house, now completely unrecognizable, and asking why I don’t just get a new roof. I look at them and think, ‘after this happened, I didn’t even have walls anymore. Everything was gone. YOU had a roof missing. I have a house missing. Please don’t act life my life should be just fine because yours is.’ So part of it is the amount of damage that was done.

That’s not to say that the damage is too great. People rebuild, but they will also remember. All is not lost. As many have said who’ve weathered huge storms, we survived, and we still have each other (or we still have our lives). In other words, as long as we’re still breathing, there’s hope, there’s opportunity to start over, to rebuild, to restore. Sometimes we have to start by sifting through the rubble, then slowly rebuilding from the ground up. Other times we just need to throw a roof back on, or replace a few windows.

Either way, if we’ve lived through the storm we will not be the same. Storms, beautiful, powerful, frightening, and uncontrollable, come to all of us. Some may get a couple shingles knocked off. A few branches may fall from their trees. Others… others come out of their shelters after the storm and discover that they don’t even recognize the landscape anymore. But they rebuild. They continue. They don’t move on–years later they calculate time based on the year of the storm, but they do move forward. Sometimes slowly, sometimes more quickly, all depending on how close they were to it’s center.

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Our First Year Anniversary

Today marks the one year anniversary of the blog section of the spiritual abuse website. When it first started, I had no idea how it might go or if we’d have enough people writing for it to last. While there have only been a few posts for this month, overall we have had regular posts since our inception- a total of 464 (including this one) and 415 comments. A huge thank you goes out to all our authors and readers for making this possible.

There are so many aspects to spiritual abuse and while our experiences in unhealthy churches are similar, we also have differences. Likewise, while we all go through similar things during healing and recovery, we also experience some differences. This is one reason why various voices are needed when writing about the myriad of issues. In addition, while some may be drawn to my writing style, others will be drawn to ones who write in a different manner. We can all say the same thing, in our own way, and your words will resonate more with some and mine with others.

Some hesitate to write because they feel they are not good with words or they don’t consider themselves to be a writer. Please don’t let such thoughts hinder you from giving it a try. You could be the one who shares a thought or experience that may be just what another person needs that day. It isn’t about writing eloquently, using university level vocabulary, or being a grammar expert. It is about sharing what you have experienced, how you left and how you are healing, in order to educate and help others who have been involved in a spiritually abusive church.

I have been busy and have not written as many blog posts recently and to be truthful, I cannot do this all myself. We need many voices, from all types of unhealthy churches, in order to help the greater audience. We need articles that cover a wide spectrum of issues and could even use some brief thoughts of encouragement for the day or humorous types of posts. We don’t place any requirements on the number or frequency of blogs you would write. If you wish to do so every day or once a month, it is all good.

How did you become involved in the unhealthy church? When did you realize it was abusive? How long did it take you to leave and how did you proceed? Where are you in your recovery? What has helped or not helped you in healing? Do you experience triggers and is there anything you find that helps with them? If you were not able to read the Bible after leaving but are now able, what can you share that might be helpful to others? Did you have relationship issues while involved or after leaving? What issues have you struggled with or overcome and how did you do so? I could write for hours about all the possible issues that would be helpful to others – it is seemingly endless. You have a story to tell and words of wisdom to share if you have exited an unhealthy group.

Please consider registering to add your voice to ours by using the register link listed under the ‘meta’ section. You will be contacted by an automatic email and then by me. Be sure to choose a username (no spaces or length user names) that cannot be traced to you if you wish to blog anonymously. Blog posts should somehow pertain to spiritual abuse, your experiences, unhealthy church practices and their erroneous teachings.

This is a Christian based website. That doesn’t mean non-Christians cannot blog here. We just ask that you do not promote other religions, atheism or agnosticism.

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God, Our Heavenly Father

To many of us survivors of an abusive legalistic church environment, and the abuse from male dominant leadership, it can be difficult to trust organized religion and a God that was portrayed as one who was angry and ready to destroy you and send you to hell. It can also be detrimental to our hopes and dreams of having a close relationship with Almighty God.

I was not the good obedient child of God when I was actively involved in the United Pentecostal Church. I was always busy questioning the standards, rules, beliefs and researching and writing papers on my findings, and generally keeping the ministry in turmoil because I was uncovering truth and they knew I would eventually uncover what was being hidden. For example John 3:16; “For God so loved…He gave…” we only heard this scripture at Christmas and in its entirety.

I was one of those statistics who wasn’t raised in a home with a father figure full time. My parents were divorced. I saw my father and I loved him very much but when you only spend short periods of time with them it is not enough. My father was a fireman and worked crazy shifts but every time he came to my house he would show me an escape route if there was ever a fire. He remarried when I was 10 to a very nice woman and we developed a sweet relationship. They also blessed me with a little sister when I was 13; we are very close to this day. My dad and stepmom both passed away in 2011 and I still miss them both very much.

My mother remarried two times while I was growing up and they were harsh and abusive men. After the second time my brother and I asked her not to marry again until we were grown. I was 15 and my brother was 10 at that time and she didn’t remarry until I was 20. Of course by then she finally found a good man and he would have made a great father. He did become a father to me, even though I was grown, and a good grandfather to my children. They will celebrate 40 years this December and he has helped me through so many bad times and stood by my side. He never had kids of his own but he chose to be my dad and introduces me as his daughter.

One thing I found lacking in the teaching of the UPC was developing relationships of any kind and especially establishing a relationship with God. I was afraid of Him and I thought He was a God of judgement and not love. I would read the Bible and be so confused with the greetings in the epistles to God our Father. But I never knew Him as my Heavenly Father.

How sad that a beautiful facet of God’s character was not being explored. He is not a distant, impersonal ruler with an iron fist, but a warm and loving Father. But so often this is tainted by the weakness of human fathers. The foundational truth, God, in all His power and glory, is best understood as a loving, intimate Father. (Source)

Upon closer study of what makes a father, I made a list that shows what a natural or step father should be and correlated with God as a father according to scripture:

1. He is the source of life and creates life. (Genesis 1:27; Luke 1:30-35)
2. He loves us. (I John 4:16; John 3:16)
3. He provides for our needs. (Luke 12:22-32; Philippians 4:19)
4. He lovingly corrects us. (Proverbs 3:11)
5. He gives us His wisdom. (James 3:15-18)
6. He protects. (Psalm 21:8; Deuteronomy 31:8)
7. He welcomes us back. (Luke 15:22-24)
8. He gives good gifts. (Luke 11:9-13)
9. He wants us to enjoy life. (Romans 15:13)
10. He wants us to trust him. (Psalm 62:1-12) (Partial Source)

Many of us expect these attributes from our physical father, and of our husbands when we have our own children. I would say many fathers try to have these attributes but our Heavenly Father has them all, and this is just the tip of the iceberg!

Although God would like our earthly fathers to be the spiritual leaders in our home, most fathers fail at this, either from not being a born again believer or maybe working too much to provide for their families. But our Heavenly Father not only provides spiritual guidance, He can actually become our Father in a very personal way when we are spiritually born again. Romans 8:14 tells us, “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons (and daughters) of God.” (Source)

Paul tells us in Romans 8:9, “You are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you.” Of course, we are still flesh, but Paul was speaking of this from God’s perspective. We begin our spiritual life as babies (1 Peter 2:2), but we are to grow and mature in Christ until our death or until Christ returns (1 Thessalonians 4:15-17). Through this new life based on God’s Spirit living in us, we can begin to not only grasp spiritual truths and values (1 Corinthians 2:9-11), but also have a very personal, close relationship with our Heavenly Father. (Source)

Now I always called my father “daddy” and I called my step father, “dad” but I’ve never called my Heavenly Father, daddy or dad. But in Romans 8:15, we are now his children through adoption and we are invited to call him “Abba” which means Daddy or Papa.

So this Father’s Day we have one more to honor, our Heavenly Father! We are free to say, Happy Father’s Day, Papa!!

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