You Might be a Controlling Church/Pastor if…

Adapted from an article by V David Weiss, LPC.

The original article regarded how to know if you were being a controlling spouse.

You Might be a Controlling Church/Pastor if…

… you’ve ever told your members what to wear or how to look because you like certain styles.
… you don’t disclose how offerings are spent.
… you’ve ever said anything similar to “My church, my rules.”
… you believe that arguments are either won or lost and you hate to lose.
… you often have to raise your voice to get your point across.
… your members have to ask your permission before making major decisions.
… you often yell at members for not doing what you want.
… you check up on your members’ personal lives.
… you criticize the way members parent their children.
… you deny being controlling although others often tell you that you are.
… you get angry at members for not following your advice.
… you’ve ever gotten angry at members for visiting other churches.
… you need to know members’ whereabouts at all times.
… you’ve ever checked up on members to confirm that they were where they said they would be or were doing what you think they should.
… you make it difficult for members to have friends or visit family who aren’t a part of your church.
… you’ve ever told members that they need to be more submissive.
… you’ve ever blamed members for mistakes that you made.
… you insist on including “obey” in wedding vows.
… you rarely feel the need to say “I’m sorry” to members.
… you’ve ever withheld affection, attention, or services as punishment.
… you’ve ever denied that a member told you something when you knew that she did.
… you’ve ever said that you were “just joking” after insulting or ridiculing someone.
… you often criticize those who aren’t members… or aren’t your favorite members.
… you’ve ever told members to do something because it was for their own good.
… you often find fault with any decision that a member makes without your input.
… you’ve ever convinced members that they were wrong, knowing that they were right.
… you feel you can do things better than anyone else in the church.
… someone handed this list to you and said, “You need to read this.”

~Taken from David Weiss’s website. [2023 Edit: Website no longer available, so link was removed.]

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Author: Through Grace

I was raised in a somewhat unhealthy church group within the Nondenominational Christian Church. After graduating high school, I began attending a United Pentecostal Church (UPC). I've been a member of four UPC churches and visited many others. Of the four of which I was a member, I was "encouraged" not to leave the first and then later sent to the second; attended the second where an usher repeatedly attempted to touch me and the pastor told me I should not care about the standards of the organization and was wrong to do so; ran to a third at that point, which threw me out after a couple years; and walked out of a fourth. For these transfers and because I refused to gossip about my former churches, some called me a "wandering star, a cloud without water" (Jude 1:12). I love the fact that when the blind man was healed, questioned by the Pharisees and temple rulers, and expelled from the temple, Jesus went and sought him out. He very rarely did this once someone was healed, but for this man, he did. I believe God has a special place in his heart for those who are abused, wrongfully accused, or condemned by religious leadership. I believe He loves those who are wronged by churchianity--yes, churchianity, not Christianity, because those who do these wrongs follow a church, not Christ. 1 John 4:7-8 7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. 9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. 10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.

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