Month: March 2017 | Page 2 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Church Hunting

I left my former unhealthy church seven years ago. Since then I’ve been a part of several churches, but in the last four years none ever really felt completely like home. Close, but not quite. Three moves, two more than 100 miles, hasn’t helped.

There is no reason why a person needs to go to church, but for me, it would be good to connect and learn with other believers in a face to face environment, and traditionally that means church. I’ve been to many in my current area, but none was a good fit. On Sunday I hit an all time low–I didn’t go to one I’d planned to because it seemed to be some spin off of shepherding, missed another, went by two others and inquired about classes only to be pushed toward service, questioned about my walk with God, and told it was dangerous to look things up that were being preached about. Hmmm.

And I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m too excited, too happy. That something will be wrong, and that by being happy and excited I’ll miss it, because once many years ago I was happy and excited about finding a church, missed something, and ended up in a United Pentecostal Church for 19 years, committed to something but not to the right thing.

It’s a weird place to be, scared and excited and happy and not feeling that any of those is right, knowing that I should be free to feel happy without being scared, angry that it’s because of my past church experiences that I am so hesitant to be happy without being concerned today.

The difference this time is that I’m going into things, even if I’m happy and excited, with both eyes open. I’m checking things out, looking into what they teach, and identifying concerns. I’m not, as in the past, trying to prove to myself that they’re right, or looking for anything that shows what they teach, but am making a strong attempt to see them for what they are and understand their beliefs and perspectives while maintaining my own.

Whether I will join or not, I don’t know. I doubt it. I’m not looking for something to join at this point. Instead I’m looking for people to connect with, and that’s a very different thing. And it’s possible, just possible, that I’ve found that much.

I can be happy about that.

Why is God silent?

Oh, I know the pat answers. You just aren’t listening. You just need to have faith. We have the Holy Ghost. I’ve given those answers enough times in my life. I know them well, but they don’t work for me anymore.

In the Bible, there is the “400 years of silence”–the time between the last prophet and Jesus’ birth. Yet even during that 400 years, there were things happening and indications of God’s presence with his people. Those things just aren’t recorded as books in our Bibles.

But now… for 2000 years, there’s been silence. Through inquisitions and crusades and witch hunts, through false teaching and koolaid, sex scandals and embezzlement. Yes, surely God is with us. But the overall silence is sometimes deafening.

We were taught in my former church that if the leader was wrong, God would take care of it. We were not to confront, not to question… and never to leave. So we stayed, to our own hurt and to the hurt of our families. Finally some things were brought to light and the man who taught that disappeared. Yet whether that was God or not, is not mine to answer. What I do wonder is if he did step in, why didn’t he step in sooner, so that fewer people would have been hurt? And if we are Jesus’ hands and feet, why didn’t we move to do something to stop what was happening ourselves? I know we were scared and confused and in a strong delusion of sorts, believing him even as he slandered God, yet still, I wish we had done something.

Maybe God is silent because we are. Maybe he’s waiting on us. Or maybe he’s just silent. I know I’ve tried to listen, even been desperate to hear, and have longed for the time, long past, when I thought I could hear his voice. The silence is deafening.

Focus on Church or Jesus?

We often speak of the difference between following religion and having a relationship with God. Many of us, while in the United Pentecostal Church or similar churches, ended up getting caught up in religion and our focus shifted.

Below is a quote from an article written in The Reporter News (a local weekly paper near the Houston area) on March 15, 2006. A minister by the name of Casey Jones is the author.

…if I had tried to convince some*one to become a Christian, it would have been a matter of my trying to get them to agree with me, rather than wishing for them to meet and experience God.

The above quote says a great deal. Think about it for a bit. How many focus on getting people to their church or at least their organization? How many focus on getting the person into the baptismal tank or to have them speak in tongues?

Compare these things with wanting the person to learn of and have a personal relationship with God. See the enormous difference? Perhaps you have been guilty of the same? I know I have.

Some other believers could go door knocking or send out invitations to their church, but would have been happy if, as a result of their efforts, someone went to another church in the area. While they would have welcomed the person at their church, it wasn’t just about filling up their pews or hurrying up to drag them to their water baptism. For them it was about the people coming to know Jesus.

Do you see the difference?

This brings another thought to mind, and that is how some are in such a hurry to drag people into the baptismal tank and get them to speak in tongues. They will gather around and stay with the new people until both happen and then move on to the next ‘unsaved’ believer. It is all about getting two acts completed so a person is ‘saved’ and often there is little focus on helping them develop their relationship with God.

Something to think about….

What Do We Do Now?

I’ve struggled with this question. Evangelical Christianity on the whole is really messed up. But I’ve been to other types of churches… and found they’re pretty messed up, too, though in different ways. Many feel they alone have some special understanding of God or the Bible. Most are cautious around outsiders and unwilling to do anything that helps a visitor navigate their traditions, services, or hierarchy. And there’s only so far I can go in venturing away from the Evangelical, near Fundamentalist religious traditions I’ve known without being left with more confusion and frustration than faith.

You see, I can accept christening. But seeing a 15 year old having water poured on his head, that water making a large splat as it hits the floor… I sit wondering why, and there’s no one to explain. I find it funny, and know others will find my laughter sacrilegious. And I find it completely odd and unmeaningful. I might as well be sitting in a service conducted in Japanese… but at least then I might recognize some of the movements and motions. In that service I found nothing to connect to.

Similarly, I can find some joy in some creeds. But most of them were so adamantly taught against that I’m leery of them. I say them while hearing echoes of warning against the worldly Council of Nicea. There is no church history or tradition to connect me there, either.

The structures of church government are also confusing. Who should I go to if I have questions? The pastor or priest? Or is there a woman that the single women should go to? A lay person who has been designated? I don’t know. And no one tells me. The social club called ‘church’ doesn’t give people any documentation to tell them what to do or who to ask or what is acceptable… they all know but they don’t tell. It reminds me of a bad clique.

So what should I do? There’s a church I’ve been going to. I don’t like everything about it. I think their theology is way off. They’re too pushy with some things. I’m fairly certain they think I’ll burst into flames if I sing along to “Holy, Holy, Holy”… they know what I left. They have a definite “place” for women, and it’s not a place I can fit into very well. But I enjoy the preaching, which doesn’t tend to hit on those things. I don’t think I’ll find fellowship there. I don’t believe anyone will go out of their way to include me or even accept me. But it’s been a place with a bit of healing so far, and that was very needed.

Where will I go from here? Like so many other questions I have, there are no answers. Maybe the questions are enough.

More on “I got to have your money” Financial Greed

A couple years ago I sat one evening around a camp fire reminiscing with a young man (we’ll call him Ryan, not his real name) that I knew from the United Pentecostal Church that I had left almost 30 years ago.

I had worked in a factory job with Ryan’s Dad and served with his Dad in our church in ushering duties. I believe his Dad might have been the head usher. We’ll call him Bill (not his real name).

Bill was what the pastor called one of them chronic seekers. Rarely missed an altar call. Bill would be the last to leave the altar, walking away with defeat in his eyes. No matter how hard Bill prayed or long he prayed, no matter his hours of service given and no matter how much Bill gave financially, he could never seem to please God enough for God to save him. Bill lived under the condemnation of the “never good enough gospel” that so many struggle with in sick churches like this one.

Something happened in time with Bill. I feel some of it was brought on by living in such a state of mind that you constantly feared you were lost. Heading for a burning eternal hell.

I’d guess Bill was in his 50’s, healthy in his physical body. But his mind began to slip. He’d from time to time be admitted to a mental health institution.

Bill and wife had always been one of our churches most generous givers. I think in part Bill may have been trying to earn that holy ghost tongue talking experience that had alluded him for years, with giving way beyond our required tithes.

Sitting around that campfire that evening with Bill’s youngest son, Ryan, he shared with that one time his Dad had gotten some better and came home from the mental health hospital.

Bill had been laid off from his factory job. No money coming in. Car payment and house payment going out. Groceries to feed his wife and two boys were getting more difficult to pay for. Bill goes to see the pastor of our growing UPC church. Bill tells the pastor he wants to donate some money to the building of our new million dollar church. (This is in the mid 1970’s.)

The next day Bill’s wife, after having been told by her husband, of what he done, goes to the pastor. She asks why, why did you let him do this? You know he’s sick. You know he’s out of work. You know we have nothing left to live on. The cupboards are bare. WHY? Please give it back.

Now who reading this, could believe that FINANCIAL GREED could be so strong in someone. Someone that was supposed to be watching for the good of your soul.

Could you believe that he told her he couldn’t just give it back. He’d have to ask the board.

I told Bill’s son, Ryan, I was on the board at that time and this is the first I have ever heard of this. To my knowledge, the pastor never asked or told the board of this.

The money was never given back. THIS IS SPIRITUAL ABUSE.

Ryan doesn’t attend church anywhere regularly. I could understand if he hated God, preachers, churches and the people who fill the pews. But he doesn’t. I think he loves God. I think he’s come to realize the God that we were taught to FEAR (for lives and soul) was a false misrepresentation of God.

In the New Testament, as I understand it today, God requires one thing of you to be saved. He does not require works. He does not require a certain percentage of your finances. If you think he does, please just google ‘tithe‘ and read something and learn for yourself.

God’s only requirement for your salvation does not and can not come from you. What God required came from his Son. Jesus paid it in full. It is finished.

Just as Abraham believed, that is all we need to do. Read of Abraham in Romans 3 and 4. Read it with your mind open. This was NOT Paul telling only tongue talking believers how to Stay Saved as the UPC teaches. This was Paul REMINDING Christians HOW they GOT SAVED.

Reminding them just as he scolded the Ephesian believers. Believers who thought what they did or what they gave impressed God.

He reminded them how THEY GOT SAVED: Eph. 2: 4 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7 in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast.

Even the very faith that saves us is a gift from God. It is not our own.

Shalom. I thank God I am free at last.